Consequences
by wolfgirl2001
Summary: Set during Breaking Dawn. After a horrible fight with Edward, Bella goes to Jacob for comfort and ends up sleeping with him. Does it spark an all out war between vampires and werewolves? Rated M. Bella POV, B/J, B/E
1. Driving

A/N: I've given it a different title, because it will ultimately end up being a very different story, but this story essentially continues from the first 10-11 chapters of Other Distractions. I think you should read them (or the whole thing) first, but if you don't want to, let me briefly sum them up:

Starts at Breaking Dawn Isle Esme, Edward won't have sex with Bella on their honeymoon, she gets frustrated, they leave early to return to Forks and decide to wait a few weeks for her transformation, she confides to Jacob that nothing happened with Edward, Jacob tells her what Edward told him in the tent about not being able to be with her, Bella forms an elaborate plot to seduce Edward in the meadow to prove them both wrong, it goes awry, she and Edward have a huge fight and she storms off feeling rejected, she goes to Jacob's place, he comforts her, and they somehow end up having passionate sex.

I'm recycling the initial storylines not because I loved the beginning of Other Distractions (as I'm 'Team Jacob' I don't think it gets really good until Chapter 9), but because I'm lazy. Everything that I envision in a great ending to Breaking Dawn revolves around Bella initially sleeping with Jacob. However, I found it difficult to create a relatively plausible situation in which a happily married Bella would cheat on Edward, so I would prefer not to have to do it again.

By the way, I didn't intend for Edward to be physically impotent in Other Distractions, what I was trying to communicate was that Edward was so terrified of hurting Bella while having sex with her that he simply refused to let it get that far, more of an emotional impotence. Kind of what Edward had been doing to her up until their honeymoon anyway.

Okay, enough of my rambling! At any rate, this story picks up in Chapter 11 of Other Distractions, called "Driving." Bella is driving home from La Push after sleeping with Jacob for the first time. I've indicated with a * where I've changed it from the original story.

Driving

I trudged to the Mercedes and started driving toward Forks, though I didn't really want to go home. My mind was racing. I was driving so deep in thought that I wasn't really thinking about where I was going, which gave me a strange sense of déjà vu, reminding me of the previous night. Thankfully, I didn't know where Mike Newton lived. Ha! Despite my overwhelmingly bad state of mind, I had to halfheartedly smile at my lame joke.

I desperately needed to sort my feelings out for myself, before I was questioned by anyone else. I knew I didn't have much time. Charlie, Edward- I had a lot of explaining to do. I wasn't sure if Edward would have joined his family hunting this weekend after what had happened last night. So that meant I could have a couple of days if he left, and if he hadn't……a couple of hours, if that. My mind switched into high gear.

How could I do this to Edward? Temporary insanity brought on by hormonal imbalances as a result of severe sexual frustration seemed to be my only defense. Somehow, I didn't think that it was enough to acquit me in a court of love. I didn't _want_ it to. I thought back to when Edward said that he trusted me, kissed my ring, told me things were different. Yeah, they were different, all right. Instead of me kissing Jacob in what I perceived was a desperate attempt to keep him alive, I went and….did… what I did….completely of my own volition.

But….I thought about our fight. I don't remember ever being so mad at Edward, not even when I didn't know his story; thought that he hated me. At least back then he hadn't lied to me. So….maybe _that_ was my defense. I was pissed at being lied to, deceived, especially over something so important, something I had gotten _married _at eighteen for. And I was…exacting revenge?

This is ridiculous, I thought to myself. There was an elephant in the room. Well, not an elephant- a werewolf. I had been speaking as though my actions were entirely independent of Jacob; that I slipped because there was something inherently wrong between Edward and me. _Yeah, like he's a vampire, and you're a human_…_that can get in the way of things_. It certainly kept us from being as close as I wanted us to be. But just maybe, could I have cheated because I actually wanted to? Because my love for Jacob wasn't going to fade away in an instant when I stood in a white dress and said some words in front of a priest? _But Bella, those weren't just any words, they were vows_…I corrected myself.

It was starting to get darker outside; I could see some storm clouds rolling in. I allowed myself for a moment to think of the words that Jacob said to me this morning. _What you would be_ _missing out on if you gave me up, if you gave up your humanity… what I would like to do with you every day for the rest of my life…and yours. _They made me remember, once again, the vision that I had of the two of us together, when we had really kissed that first time. La Push. Sam and the rest of the pack. Billy. Charlie. And…children…..

I had never even thought of having kids before, but if all I had to do to kick it off is what Jacob and I did last night…..well, than I was pretty sure I could handle that. I thought again to Jake's beautiful russet skin; I saw so much of it last night. His beautiful white teeth when he smiled; I saw a lot of that, too. And his hands. And his….agility; he used to be as clumsy as I am. Not anymore. _Get your mind out of the gutter, Bella! _I forced myself to get back to the issue at hand.

Well, actually, maybe my raging hormones were onto something. I thought about biology for a moment; I had managed to absorb some of the subject despite sitting next to Edward in class junior year. I mean, if sex didn't feel so amazing than people wouldn't reproduce; propagate the species. Maybe this was my body, and my subconscious, desperately trying to tell me that it might want a child someday, pass down my genes, give something amazing back to the world. Someday; not now, but someday. I knew now that with Edward I would have no possibility of that. Not if I became a vampire; not if I stayed human. Ever. I thought about Rosalie; how much she wanted to be human, have a child. She warned me about the life that I wanted to commit to. I thought about her sad eyes, felt more empathy for her more than I ever had before.

I thought about my impending transformation- it was supposed to be next Sunday- just a week and two days away. Last night threw a pretty big wrench into things- or did it? Maybe it didn't have to. Maybe this, as opposed to my actual marriage, was supposed to be my last hurrah; my wild "bachelorette party" before the "big day". For me, being transformed had been my ultimate goal anyway; marriage was just the stipulation. I could explain to Edward that last night I just needed to sow some wild oats, or whatever that expression was. He was always so understanding. I would just tell him that I had made my impulsive and crazy decision, but that I was done with it and was now ready to move on and be with him forever.

Rain started to fall, big drops spattering the windshield. I glanced outside. The storm clouds were quickly blackening the sky; it was starting to look like twilight. _Ominous_. I glanced at my watch- 10:21 a.m. I flipped on the wipers. The rain was really starting to come down. I took my foot off the accelerator; slowed to a crawl.

But _was_ I ready to move on? Was I really ready? …_what you would be missing out on if you gave me up, if you gave up your humanity_…. Well, what would I be missing? Well, kids, that was established. What else? Uh, the activity that would lead to having the kids, obviously…. at least for a while. Maybe forever, who knew? I might not ever recover from newborn urges, might not ever be able to experience with Edward what Jake and I experienced last night. My mind drifted back….again….to Jacob and our previous night together. _Amazing_. And not just physically (although _definitely_ physically!). He made me feel so…._desired_, so wanted. His heart was wide open- he wasn't afraid to show or tell me exactly how he felt. And with him I felt so…..warm. Safe. Comfortable. Of course, that's what I would be missing out on most if I gave him up- possibly more than Jacob himself. It was the way he made me feel when I was with him.

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!! A car horn honked loudly behind me. I looked up; I was parked at what I thought was a red light just on the outskirts of Forks. The light had apparently changed quite a few seconds ago, but I hadn't bothered to accelerate. Damn, I really had to start paying better attention when I drove; I was going to kill someone. *As I glanced through the rearview mirror, I realized that the impatient driver was actually two cars back. The car directly behind me was…._Edward's Volvo_. It was hard to see him clearly through the rain, but we made the briefest of eye contact before I looked away in sheer panic.

Instantly, I freaked out. I hadn't had enough time to sort out my feelings for myself, much less someone I could really hurt! For the second time that morning, my heart started thumping, and my breathing accelerated and became shallow, as the implications of what I had done stared me in the face. Should I pull over? I wasn't nearly ready to face him. I sped up through the light instead, my hands sweaty on the steering wheel.

As it turned out, driving the few extra miles home only made things worse. Every time I sneaked a peek through the rearview at Edward's stunning reflection, I felt a little guiltier, a little more rotten. The single tear that formed in the corner of my eye when I first saw him had become part of a fresh stream by the time we had reached Charlie's. I pulled the Guardian into the driveway and turned off the ignition, but otherwise made no move to get out of the car. I was crying so hard I could barely speak.

Edward pulled his vehicle up behind mine and got out. He slowly approached the door of my car and crouched down until we were at eye level, already soaking wet. He gestured for me to roll the window down as though he were reenacting the popular Grey Poupon commercial. I hit the automatic window button.

"Hello, Bella," he said, flashing an irresistible grin at his cheesy joke and at me. It didn't quite offset the sad look behind his eyes. His voice gradually became amplified with the downward movement of the window pane. "Alice saw you driving around here. I wanted to see you, talk to you before we left-" His expression immediately changed as my wrecked features came more clearly into view. "Bella? Bella, what's wrong?"

In response to his concern, all I could do was cry harder. I shook my head, unable to say anything.

"If this is about last night, I'm so sorry for everything," he said frantically, reaching his arms into the car to grip my shoulders. "I shouldn't have let you go like that; I shouldn't have lied to you. It was wrong! All I wanted to do was fight for you; tell you how much I wanted you to be with me. But how could I possibly ask that of you? I wouldn't wish this life on anyone. You should be able to stay human, and experience all of your human desires-" He shook his head, his voice cracking.

If only he knew how off-target his assumptions were, and that I had _already_ experienced my human desires. I shook my head again. I owed him the truth. I owed him a detailed explanation. Yet in my panic-stricken state, I managed only one word before my throat closed, precluding further speech. "Jacob-" I choked out. Then the lump in my throat dissolved, and I broke down again, sobbing hysterically.

Edward's eyes narrowed, his cold hands still on my shoulders, rain dripping everywhere. "What did Jacob do?" He asked. It sounded as though it took extreme effort to control the tone in his voice, and the strength in his arms. He gently released his grip.

Edward had it wrong. It wasn't what Jacob had done; it was what _I_ had done. I had to tell him so. But I couldn't. All I could do was shake my head again, salty tears pouring over my cheeks.

Edward's voice rose with anxiety. "What did Jacob do to you, Bella?" he pleaded again. He leaned back out of the Guardian, began pacing, eagerly awaiting my response.

I still couldn't reply. I just kept shaking my head, knowing that there was no way that I could compose myself long enough to contradict him, or to fully answer his question. I buried my head in my hands, willing myself to release my emotions in this controlled time and place. I cried again, letting go, freeing the monsters within, gradually unburdening myself. After a couple of minutes, and several deep breaths, I finally felt prepared to respond, to speak, to take a stand, to take responsibility.

But when I finally looked up, Edward was gone.


	2. Impatience, Again

Chapter notes: Okay, so I'm having a little trouble knowing how I should rate this story. This story obviously has sex (more later...), and I used the f-word in this chapter; does it need to be rated M? Looking at some of the M stories, it's practically porn- this seems a lot milder. But I don't want to offend anyone....

Anyway, this story is unique in that I'm not sure where it's going yet....but in a way, that's fun. I would appreciate any type of feedback, as long as it's constructive. Thanks and enjoy! :)

Impatience, again

At 12:47 p.m., I was still in the car. Parked outside Charlie's place.

At that point, my emotions had been riding the roller coaster for far too long- they refused to get back in line. I was numb.

Upon realizing that Edward left, that he most likely was going to confront Jacob, and that it probably wasn't going to be cordial, another wave of panic washed over me. This wave was worse than the first- a deadly aftershock causing a devastating tsunami. What was Edward going to do? Would Jacob know he was coming? Would he be able to get away before Edward found out what had happened? I shuddered at the possible outcomes- I had to fix this somehow; do something. NOW.

Immediately, I started the ignition and shifted the Guardian into Reverse, with the intention of turning around and going back the way I came, full speed ahead. But after backing out of the driveway approximately three feet, I realized it was futile- there was no way that I would get there in time to stop anything. I was only human after all, and the drive back to La Push was nearly a half an hour. It might as well have been a half a century. The Guardian, as sleek as it was, was no match for the supernatural.

Defeated, I put the car back in Park. No real choice but to sit and wait. And cry. Of course there was that.

So I cried some more. I cried for what I did to Edward. For my fear at what Edward would do to Jacob. And for my fear at what Jacob could end up doing to me. What a love triangle.

It didn't take me long to get sick of the crying, though- I was cried out, and it was just as pointless as driving back to La Push at 70 miles per hour. Panic, hysteria, utter sadness, panic, hysteria, utter sadness- I needed a new emotion.

Quickly, one surfaced- anger. The best part was that I didn't even need anyone there- my anger was directed a no one except myself. I was angry for so many things. Denying my feelings for Jacob. Agreeing to marry Edward before he fulfilled his end of the bargain. Being so vulnerable last night. Taking off my ring. And had I improved my behavior? Of course not. I couldn't even be honest, spit it out, tell Edward the truth. How pathetic of me.

I probably would have let my anger fester all morning had it not been for the radio. It had been on at a low volume, but I hadn't been paying attention. I had only been pouting for a few minutes when the announcer came on, and with his booming voice informed me that it was the top of the hour. 11:00 a.m. It was that realization that launched another full-fledged panic attack. It had been over fifteen minutes since Edward had left. How long could a warning to Jacob possibly take? The thought made me want to throw up. I refused to let my mind wander to the awful repercussions likely associated with my actions.

In an effort to not think, I started biting my nails, still painted blood-red and freshly manicured from last night, and ripping them off with my teeth, collecting the thin strips of keratin. I placed them on the thigh of my jeans, lining them up in a neat column. Even though I had never smoked a cigarette in my life, if I had a pack on me, I would have lit up in an instant. I had too much nervous energy.

I kept biting my nails, one by one, down to the quick, when I would start to feel the pain. I deserved it. I deserved far more pain than sore fingertips. But this would have to do for now.

The nail on my left ring finger was a little longer than the rest; when I went to tear it off, it caught and ripped my nail further towards my cuticle than I had intended. _Ouch_. I watched as a few drops of blood oozed out of the side; one trickling slowly down my finger. After what felt like forever, it ever-so-gently splashed on my beautiful engagement ring. It was oddly symbolic. Here was a precious and unique gift in the relationship I had with Edward, and I was killing it.

Reflexively, I brought my finger to my mouth to catch the red liquid before any more dripped onto my ring or myself. In the process, I had inhaled, and now I was fighting the urge to pass out. All I could smell was iron.

I quickly sucked the blood off, trying to somehow fix what I imagined would be irreparable damage to the metal band. It was ridiculous- the ring would be perfectly fine, unchanged as always, just like Edward. A few drops of blood wouldn't do any permanent damage- would it?

I realized after a second that my sore finger inside my warm mouth actually felt good. My fingertip was throbbing where my nail had been yanked off, so I kept it in my mouth for a little while, feeling my heartbeat, soothing my finger, and making sure any blood that was shed stayed out of my line of vision and off of my clothes. After a moment, finger still in mouth, I realized that this was something I would have to get more accustomed to if I were going to become a vampire. I actually never thought about it this way- I only thought about the good part- being with Edward for eternity.

How bizarre. I fought nausea just a few moments ago by a few drops of my own blood; in a couple of weeks I was voluntarily signing up for an eternity of animal killings. And that was the better alternative to the merciless slaying of human beings. Despite the fact that Edward was now a strict vegetarian, and that he had only killed those who had performed the most heinous and sinful acts on Earth, he was still a murderer. I shuddered. I didn't like to think about it.

There was a lot that I didn't like to think about. Like what was going on right now. Like why the fuck Edward wasn't back yet.

I sighed. Not even my damaged nailbeds prevented my mind from wandering back to precisely the subjects that I had been trying to avoid the most. I felt more questions arise from within, nagging at me.

Had Edward gone to La Push to tell Jacob to stay away from me? I had to assume that he did, but who knows. Did any of the other Cullens go? I supposed that it wouldn't take very long for them to get there if Edward called for backup, even if they had not accompanied him there originally. Had Jacob transformed in the short time that elapsed? As much as I wanted to believe that the pack was not privy to our secret, somehow I had a hunch that what happened last night wasn't a secret anymore. Jacob was concerned when I left, but he was still a teenage guy who had just lost his virginity- surely he would have wanted to tell someone. I couldn't decide whether having his pack around backing him up would help to calm Jacob, or whether it would merely serve as an overt sign of aggression. I supposed it depended on whether Sam was there, or Paul.

As much as I speculated, ultimately I still didn't know anything. So there was absolutely nothing I could do about it. Except wait.

I felt as though I should express some penultimate emotion, one that would trump my previous panic, hysteria, utter sadness, anger. But I was convinced that I had depleted all of my excitatory neurotransmitters- like I was on day 5 of a methamphetamine binge. I had no energy left. So I just sat there. For almost two hours.

I was still essentially motionless when I heard and felt the knock on the Guardian window. Startled, I jumped nearly a foot in the air. My poor, poor, heart started palpitating again. I had been asking a lot of it lately; hopefully it only had to hold out for another couple of weeks. "Edward!" I screamed reactively, putting down the window and looking over to the source of the knock.

But it wasn't Edward's topaz eyes into which I was now staring. It was Esme's.


	3. Nightmare, Again

Nightmare, again

I knew right away that something was horribly wrong. Though she didn't look like she had been crying, as vampires don't do that sort of thing, Esme's expression was worth more than a thousand words, bad ones. Along the lines of a trillion curse words strung together, or something like that. Her face said it all. Well, almost.

"He's dead, Bella," she moaned in agony nearly as soon as I had made eye contact.

My jaw dropped, along with my heart. What a devastatingly incomprehensible sentence. _Dead_?! _Who_? Looking into Esme's deeply saddened eyes, I was absolutely positive that I didn't want to know the answer. I wasn't sure I could handle her response; my heart already felt as though it were going to explode out of my chest. I exhaled, trying to stabilize my rapid, shallow, breathing. I felt faint.

"Who?" Esme repeated, her voice cracking. Apparently I had uttered the single-word question out loud as I forced out my breath. She, like her adopted son, reached her arms into the Guardian, gripping my shoulders, trying to soften the blow of what she was about to say. At that moment, it was impossible. It wasn't a blow- it was a fucking Hydrogen bomb.

_Oh, God! If it was_….my head shot down as I stared at the brake pedal, refusing to look at her. My body suddenly felt completely deprived of oxygen. I couldn't catch my breath, started hyperventilating. Even after a few moments, I….still….couldn't….breathe….I needed him, needed him to live, to keep my respiratory system going, to keep air flowing into my lungs. I began to see stars in my eyes, vibrant pulsating color. Green and yellow and blue. Flashing and moving and swirling.

"Bella, it's E-" I wasn't conscious enough to hear the rest. My worst nightmares were about to be confirmed, and my body was checking out. The stars were all crashing, plummeting towards Earth in the dead of night, disappearing into the depths of the Grand Canyon. It was my favorite place as a kid. Everything faded to black.

* * *

I came to a little while later. I was disappointed that I was no longer see the vision of the Grand Canyon behind my eyelids, which was apparent in such vivid detail just a few moments ago. My dreams took place over what felt like the course of weeks- my entire family vacation when I was eight, and again when I was fifteen with Renee and Phil. So dry, so bright. I opened my eyes.

I was still in the Guardian, and it was raining- the clouds once again darkening the sky. Esme's eyes were affixed to my face, and she was stroking my hair- she had lodged herself into the driver's seat despite the fact that I was sprawled across the entire front, the gearshift sticking uncomfortably in my side.

"Bella," she said, as serene as I had seen her, but with a slight chill to her voice. "Emmett's dead."

I hated myself for feeling even the tiniest measure of relief that it wasn't Edward. Emmett was like my brother- how could I take solace in the fact that he was gone? It was just awful; I was awful. I was going to go to hell for this. I just wished Esme would kill me now so that I could get it over with.

I didn't move. Through impossible odds, such as my near-hysterics all morning and my dehydration from two glasses of wine, my lacrimal glands were able to squeeze out a single tear. It formed in the corner of my eye, moving gradually towards my hairline. Unlike before, I didn't allow that tear to be the trigger for a newfound bout of panic, hysteria, utter sadness. I needed to think of Esme, to try and comprehend how much Emmett meant to her- I had known him for so little time in comparison. I simply lie there, keeping my gaze on her eyes, silent, ready to be there for her in case she needed me for anything, a listener, a friend. After all I had done to hurt them, it was the very least that I could do.

My eyes must have communicated to her everything that I was too terrified to open my mouth and say. She began to talk.

"Emmett and Jasper left a little while ago to meet Edward. They left in a hurry, said it was urgent, but didn't say where they were going. But Alice saw- right towards the La Push reservation, near the boundary line," she explained dully, her voice monotone. Her look had a faraway glaze. No doubt she was still in complete shock, as was I. "Carlisle, Alice, Rosalie, and I were all at our house, relaxing. Alice suddenly had a horrific vision of Emmett in pain, writhing on the ground somewhere in the forest she couldn't recognize, and she couldn't tell how it had happened. Given where they went, her first assumption was that it was the werewolves, but for all we knew it could have been anything, even another vampire. Perhaps our kind exist who have the power to evade her visions," she faltered, her voice finally breaking.

She started speaking faster, with more inflection. "We all left immediately to find him. When we got near La Push we saw him. We were already too late. It happened so quickly." She bowed her head. "Emmett always was so confrontational," she said wistfully. "No doubt that he was pushed, but the wolves claimed that he had crossed the boundary and attacked Paul with intent; that he broke the treaty first and they acted in self-defense," she said. "Their leader -Sam?- arrived and instantly jumped right in the middle of the stand-off; said that any more killing was simply unacceptable, that we all had too many loved ones involved to lose life so needlessly. Carlisle, upset as he was about Emmett, agreed. He's always felt 'an eye for an eye and the whole world goes blind', as the saying goes. They sent everyone else home," she shook her head. "Carlisle is still with Edward and Jasper; Rosalie and Alice are with him, too. He won't let them leave the house; he's afraid of what they'll do. It's like they're ten-year olds that just got grounded. At least we know that they won't sneak out while he's asleep," despite how awful Esme looked, she made an effort to lighten her voice at the end, trying to pull it together. She continued to absentmindedly stroke my hair.

Esme sounded as though she had spoken her mind; said what she came to say, emoted what she needed to emote. Her mood appeared to shift slightly. She took her hand out of my hair. When she opened her mouth next, her tone had an edge of closure, distance. "Carlisle sent me to tell you what had happened. He wanted to be sure I let you know that Edward was all right, but that he was going to keep Edward in the house on lockdown for the time being. Edward was in a rage. He was ready to fight the entire pack and sacrifice himself to avenge his brother." Her large eyes looked frightened for him. She hesitated, than spoke again, "I better get going soon. I need to get back there, to help…" her voice slowly trailed off.

I looked away from Esme, too guilty to face her. I had no idea what to say. Of the riptide of emotions that had gripped me so far today, pulling me in a million different directions, this by far had the greatest undertow- the guilt, the shame. "I'm so, so, sorry Esme," I mumbled. I was; not that it was enough, not that it would ever be enough. But I was sorry. I slept with Jacob. And now Emmett was dead. On the surface those two events appeared to have nothing to do with one another. But I knew how interwoven they were; how intricately they were linked.

She looked at me for a time, taking in my expression, trying to assess my honesty. After a moment, appearing to have acknowledged how much of a wreck I was, how remorseful I felt, she whispered, "I see."

Those two little words- they stung. She said _I see_ as opposed to _I know_; she wasn't entirely convinced that I was being truthful. I'm sure she was thinking that it was a little too late for me to feel sorry, and if I was so loyal, how could I have slept with my husband's mortal enemy to begin with (Or was it immortal enemy? I wasn't sure). She didn't say it wasn't my fault, either, as you might say if you were trying to comfort someone. But who was I kidding? It _was_ my fault. It was selfish of me to expect comfort; after what happened, _I_ needed to be the one comforting _her_. But as much as I wanted to, I wasn't sure that I could. I didn't have enough comfort to give. I needed all that I had myself.

Esme turned to go; slowly pulling on the door handle. I couldn't comfort her; but I also couldn't let her go like this- I had to do something, say something. I grabbed her forearm, gripped it tightly.

"Esme," I croaked, too emotional for normal speech. "Tell Edward I love him. Please. _Please_." I said the word twice for emphasis.

For just a fraction of a second, Esme's expression iced over. In that instant where her eyes seemed to pierce though mine with hatred and comtempt, I could just see her response: '_Do you?! Do you _really_, Bella?_' But as quickly as her eyes had frozen over, they thawed out again, and she was back to her normal self- well, as normal as she could possibly be under these circumstances. It left me wondering whether or not I had imagined it. She replied, perfectly composed, "I'll do that. Goodbye, Bella."

_Goodbye_. It sounded so final. Did they want nothing to do with me? I couldn't bear the thought of never spending time with the Cullens again. But right then I was wise enough to not speak up; I needed to let her go, let us both figure things out. I gently released her forearm and she disappeared in a flash of porcelain skin, running.

Despite the fact that it was early afternoon, and the storm appeared to be blowing over with blue skies and fluffier clouds looming ahead, I was absolutely exhausted. I didn't sleep that well last night to begin with, and this was by far the most emotionally draining four hours of my life. I had no energy left to process what had just happened; hell, I didn't even have the energy to make it out of the car. I immediately drifted off to sleep, still stretched over the front seats with my head resting on the driver's side door console. Within minutes I was having a terrifying nightmare in which a group of bloodthirsty vampires and temperamental werewolves squared off against one another, a vicious fight ensuing, resulting in death and emotional destruction. It was a good thing that I wasn't awake to process the fact that my brain was simply recounting the events of the day.


	4. Comfort

Comfort

I awoke to a pair of strong arms carrying me, out of the car, into the house, up the stairs, into my room. I was tenderly laid down in my bed, covered softly with my sheet and bedspread. My eyes were still closed, but I felt the masculine figure gently ease down on the corner of my bed, sitting. Watching? My curiosity overtook me. I slowly opened my eyes.

It was Charlie. He was looking at me the way only he could have- like a concerned father.

"Hey kiddo, I tried not to wake you up," he apologized, treading carefully.

"That's okay, I shouldn't be sleeping this time of day anyway," I replied. I attempted to smile. Given the last few hours, though, it was a nearly impossible feat. However, somehow I managed to twitch my facial muscles upward slightly; resembling an expression I thought would appear happy enough to fool Charlie.

I was wrong. "Bella, you look awful," Charlie said. He preemptively held up his hand to protest my inevitable interruption. "Before you say anything, Billy told me about you staying at Jacob's, and I'm not going to ask any questions about that at the moment; I trust Jake. But does it have anything to do with why you're so upset right now?"

Huh. Now how was I going to answer that one? I suppose the most straightforward response would be _yes_; the most honest response would be _indirectly_. But I opted out for what would be the easiest response to deal with, "Uh, not really, Dad," I said. I wondered if I could say the words out loud. I decided to give it a try. "E-e-emm-mm-e-tt's d-d-de-de-dead-d," I stammered. Apparently sleep was all I needed for my lacrimal glands to recover- being dehydrated didn't seem to have anything to do with it. I simply couldn't get those words out without crying. Fresh tears flowed down my cheeks as I thought about what the words I just spoke actually meant.

Charlie looked shocked. "Emmett Cullen?" he whispered. He paused a moment. "What happened? Did he have an accident? Was he sick? Or was he…..killed?" His voice was barely a whisper at that point; he said the word softly, trying to tiptoe around my fragile state.

The word sunk in anyway- it didn't matter how he said it. Too choked up to reply, I simply nodded.

Charlie paled as he stood up, began pacing, his concern plain on his face. "We'll send someone over there immediately, Bella," he said comfortingly. "We'll get to the bottom of this."

"No!" I screamed in protest; sadness instantly gone, put away. Fear had taken over. The Cullens had to hate me right now; what would they do to Charlie poking around, asking questions, or wanting to see what had happened? I couldn't take that kind of risk with the one person who was still there for me. Not to mention, I didn't feel particularly safe alone.

"Bells, it'll be fine," he calmly tried to reassure me. "We'll start at the station, make some phone calls, and we'll head over to the crime scene in a group. We'll be fine," he said soothingly.

Selfish as it was, I played the only card I had. "Dad, stay with me, please," I begged. "I'm- scared," I was not just manipulating him; I was being brutally honest.

Defeated, Charlie nodded. "Okay, I'll stay here for now. But I'm still calling the station," he added. "And depending on how things go, I might go fishing tomorrow morning with some buddies, but I'll wait and see what happens tonight first."

I nodded appreciatively. "Thanks, Dad. It….feels good that you're here."

He smiled slightly. "I'm glad I can help, Bells," he replied. "I'll be downstairs relaxing if you need me. It's been a long week," He turned and exited the room, shutting the door behind him.

* * *

For the next several hours I drifted in and out of sleep, crying and thinking and wondering. Wondering what the Cullens were doing now, how Edward was doing. Thinking about the domino effect of the last twenty-four hours. God, a day ago I was ready to head out to the meadow with Edward for a romantic dinner, and look where things stood now. Emmett dead. Edward confined like a caged animal. All of this having something to do with Jacob. _Jacob_. How could he do this to me? Emmett was a relative now, for Christ's sake. Why couldn't he have tried to keep the peace, stop things? How could he have let the events escalate to Emmett's death? Crying because I started all of this; set everything into motion. Fighting with Edward; sleeping with Jacob. All of this was my fault. I tipped over the first domino.

Some time later -I have no idea how much had elapsed since I didn't know what time Charlie brought me up here- I heard a knock at the front door, followed by some deep muffled sounds of an all-male conversation. I looked at my alarm clock- it was after 8 p.m. The garbled talking went on for several minutes before I heard a single pair of footsteps ascend the stairs and approach my room.

I heard a knock on my bedroom door, followed by Charlie's voice: "Bella? Jacob's here to see you. Should I send him up?"

_Speak of the devil_. That is, the devil besides myself. "Uh, I guess, Dad," I said.

A moment later, I heard Charlie go back down the stairs, followed immediately by another knock at my bedroom door. I should have known I wouldn't hear Jacob come up; he was too agile, too stealthy now. "Bella?" came the husky voice from just outside the wooden door that separated us.

"Uh, come in," I said numbly.

Jacob opened the door slowly and approached my bed, timid, afraid of my reaction, as well he should have been. I looked up at him, full of emotion, anger, shock, sadness, fear. I wasn't going to let him speak first. Despite my confusion on how to feel, I knew exactly what I wanted to say. I said it simply. "Emmett was my brother-in-law. How could you, Jake?"

Jacob's dark eyes were filled with regret. "Honey, I'm so sorry," he sat on the side of the bed close to me and leaned over, pulling me in for a hug.

At first, I tried to push him away, then quickly acquiesced. His strong arms felt so good, so comforting around me; my fear disappeared, melted away. We hugged for a long time. I slowly regained control of my emotions, taking several measured deep breaths in his arms. When he finally released me, I leaned back, feeling calm, ready to get some answers, ask some better questions. I didn't know exactly what occurred, and it wasn't fair for me to blame Jacob without hearing him out first. I rephrased. "What happened?" I asked sadly.

Jacob took a deep breath. Then he dove in. "After you left, I was worried for you, but I was also on top of the world. What happened last night- well, I've been dreaming about it for a long time," he had a little half-smile on his face for a moment, but he quickly suppressed it in light of the seriousness of the situation. "Seth was in wolf form on lookout; he smelled Edward approach, and started howling at the top of his lungs. I knew something was very wrong, so I phased right away." He paused to take another breath. "I didn't try to think about what happened between us, but I couldn't exactly help it when I heard who it was," he said, "and once I did, Seth understood how serious it was. By the time I had reached them, the other bloodsuckers- Emmett and the calming one- were down there, too. So were Paul, Jared, and Quil." He hesitated, eyes locked on mine, unsure of whether or not to go on.

Did I want to hear it? I decided that I needed to know the truth, regardless of how awful it was. I nodded for him to continue.

"Edward read Seth's mind, knew everything I could have told him by the time that I reached them. He couldn't stand the thought of us together being mutual, so he blamed it all on me, said I forced myself on you, like when I kissed you that time. I didn't want to make the situation worse by confirming or denying it. But the leech was livid. He said that he would fulfill his threat from so long ago and break my jaw for you. That was when Paul stepped in." He paused a moment, a look of sadness in his eyes.

He sighed. "As aggressive as Paul is with us sometimes, he's even more combative towards everyone else," he explained. "When the chips are down, Paul is the most loyal guy I know. He jumped in; said that I would never do anything like that to you, that Edward was obviously misinformed. Paul also said that even if Edward wanted to hurt me, there was no way that he _could_ with him there." He shook his head. "The other leeches didn't like that too much. Emmett said that with _him_ there, Edward could do whatever the hell he wanted. Paul told him that we would all find out who could do what they wanted if Emmett just crossed the line and broke the treaty. He was completely taunting him, telling him what a dumb jock he was, what a dumb blonde his girlfriend was. I tried to stop him, but you know how hotheaded Paul gets- there was no way I could get him to back down."

I nodded in understanding. Knowing Paul, I realized that Jacob probably didn't have a whole lot of sway in this particular situation, even if he technically outranked him. He went on.

"I think that all of that trash talk eventually triggered something. I could actually start feel the effects of the calming bloodsucker- it was really strong- he must have finally realized that he needed to act," he said. "Everyone just got silent, taking deep breaths. I was amazed, convinced that it was working, that Paul was going to back off and everything would be fine." He refused to make eye contact as he reached the most difficult part of the story. He found an elaborate stitching pattern on my comforter; started tracing it lightly with his fingertip.

"Sam and Embry were doing some reconnaissance up north," he explained. "They heard Seth and immediately came to help, but they were really far away- it took a little while for them to show up. When the calming bloodsucker saw them approaching from a distance, he saw how outnumbered the leeches were and panicked, just for a few seconds. Emmett recognized that the other one was no longer using his power just before any of the rest of us did. Emmett used that split second to jump the boundary line and attack. He knew that he had an advantage." Jacob finally looked at me, his black eyes pleading. "He took Paul down. Jared, Quil, and Seth just reacted, Bella. He was on our side of the line, going for Paul's throat. With Emmett completely distracted with Paul, it didn't take long at all for them to respond. By then, there would have been an all-out war, except that Sam had reached us by that point and commanded everyone to stop. He jumped right in the middle of everything before Edward or the other leech attacked. The other bloodsuckers had shown up, too, and were holding them back. But by then, the damage had been done. Emmett was dead. His body had been tossed aside." He looked forlornly at the bedspread.

I wondered what role Jacob played in all of this. As though he were reading my mind, he spoke up. "Bella, I was frozen. I panicked; I had no idea what to do. I didn't touch Emmett, I swear to you. But those wolves…they're my brothers….and they reacted to someone who had threatened to take one of their lives….how can I blame them for that? It was my mess; I should have handled it myself, but I can't be mad at them for what happened. They were only trying to protect me."

I shook my head. Such a devastating loss of life, and for what? "So you're saying that my brother-in-law, who has lived for God knows how long, two hundred years maybe, is DEAD because of some trash talking? Because he claimed that he could beat Paul up and someone called his girlfriend a dumb blonde? What is _with_ you guys?!" I exclaimed in a rage. Seriously, I would never understand the male species. How could they do this to each other?

Jacob chuckled sadly. "Bella, when a man is in love, he can do some pretty crazy things," he said, comfortingly stroking my back with his large hand. "Trust me, I know."


	5. Visitor, Again

Visitor, Again

In the midst of our conversation, I heard a car engine roar. It took me a moment, but I realized that Charlie had used Jacob as a decoy and had taken advantage of my momentary preoccupation- he was gone; he had peeled out of the driveway to go to the station, to figure things out, investigate what had happened. I knew more now than he would find out all night- but Charlie was blissfully unaware of that fact. What he did know was that I wouldn't be able to stop him before he got to work and that Jacob would be here to protect me as long as I needed or wanted. And in his own words, he trusted Jake. He didn't even yell at me for sleeping at his place last night. _Damn him_.

Upon my panicked realization that Charlie was gone, Jacob did indeed offer to stay the night and protect me. I politely declined, telling him that I would be fine on my own, even though I was nowhere near convinced that that was the case- I was terrified. However, I _was_ convinced that Jacob and I shouldn't be spending another night alone together anytime soon. If I had been convinced of this a mere twenty-four hours earlier, perhaps this entire mess could have been avoided. Jacob continued to protest.

"But Bella, I'm worried about your safety. You said even the vampire mother was glaring at you like _she_ wanted to kill you; how can you be so sure about the rest of them? You haven't even spoken to your bloodsuc- Edward since all of this happened."

"Jacob, Edward would _never_ want to kill me," As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I realized that I couldn't exactly be confident in that statement. I wished I could suck the words back into my mouth; I knew that Jacob would pounce all over them.

Sure enough, Jacob looked at me skeptically, dark eyebrow raised. "You mean never as in when he had to skip school for a week because the smell of your blood was so potent to him he wasn't sure he could avoid killing you in class? Or do you mean never as in the fact that he's promised to take your life, stop your beautiful heart, and turn you into a bloodsucking leech?"

"Never mind, I know he wouldn't want to kill me like _this_," I attempted to explain, but knew it was of no use. I quickly gave up. "Besides, I'd be more worried about your own safety right now. Just go, will you? I heard your side of the story, and I don't blame you, all right? But I'm still really upset about it. And I don't think you and I should be spending any more time alone for a while, at least not until I can figure some things out."

Jacob nodded in understanding. He looked at me seriously, putting his hand under my chin, forcing me to look up at him. "All right," he conceded. "I'll go. I'll be fine- I'm not worried for me. But I'm still really worried about you, so I'm going to patrol your place, and there's nothing that you can say to stop me from doing that. I love you and I care about you and I want you to be safe." Before I had realized it, still tilting my chin upward, he brought his face _very_ close to mine. I could feel his hot breath along the side of my jaw while I just stood there paralyzed, anticipating what he would do. He eventually kissed my cheek, slowly, deliberately holding his lips there for much longer than that type of kiss required. He then released me and turned around, leaping through the window and running off into the night.

I stood there for a few moments, fuming. How dare he kiss me like that, when I was still so confused about things? It only took me a minute to take solace in the fact that pouting over Jacob's boyish behavior was probably the most normal I had felt all day.

I paced back and forth for a while, trying to decide what to do. I was worried; I didn't like being alone right now, in the aftermath of the horror that occurred today. I was emotionally drained, but not ready for sleep yet; I had been sleeping on and off all afternoon. Finally, I decided to pull out some Wuthering Heights; I had read the novel so many times I found it soothing; Bronte's prose was sure to relax me until I could eventually rest. I quickly changed into comfy pajama pants and a t-shirt, brushed my teeth, and got into bed.

* * *

I was nearly two hundred pages in when I heard a light knocking sound at the front door. I put the splayed novel facedown on the bed and listened. _Tap, tap_. There it was again. I tensed. Who the hell could this be? The were only three people that I suspected would be here at this time of night- Edward, Jacob and Charlie-and I don't think any of them would have knocked at the front door. Should I answer it?

I silently crept out of bed and tiptoed down the hallway towards the staircase. This person was not trying to sneak up on me and take me by surprise; if they were, they definitely weren't going about it the right way. I supposed I could take comfort in that. I decided to check it out, but not before I had armed myself with a plunger from the bathroom. Not a baseball bat, but it would have to do. I gingerly crept down the stairs.

_Knock, knock_. I slowly made my way towards the front door, both hands gripping the stick of the plunger, holding it high above my head. I looked ridiculous, but I didn't care. It was before midnight on a Friday- not completely out of the realm of someone stopping by to say hi. But somehow I had a feeling that this was not a social visit. And while I knew my plunger (not to mention my human reflexes while swinging the plunger) was no match for supernatural powers, perhaps it could serve as a momentary distraction for someone human.

When I reached the door, I gazed through the peephole. A beautiful figure that I recognized stood there, head down, lustrous hair and a baseball cap obscuring her expression. I didn't need to see her features any closer; I knew exactly who it was. _Rosalie_.

I watched her for a second, and after a moment she lifted her head. It was then that I noticed how devastated she looked. Even paler than usual, even darker around the eyes- she looked like she had been crying all day despite that impossibility. Suddenly, I felt stupid holding the plunger- it wouldn't do me any good with a vampire, and Rosalie looked about as threatening as a flower. She was obviously distraught; she probably just needed someone to talk to. I put the plunger down and opened the door.

"Bella," she said, eyes wandering back to the ground, her voice shaky, "I'm so sorry to drop by so unexpectedly. I've just been wandering around, trying to make sense of it all- and I can't. It's just so…." she stood there forlornly, looking for the words, unable to find them.

"Rosalie," I breathed. It didn't matter how many times I saw her; I never quite desensitized myself to her beauty. "I'm so sorry. Come on in." I opened the door further; gestured for her to step inside.

She obliged, entering gracefully and moving to the middle of the living room, gently sitting herself down on the couch, head down. I sat next to her. She began to speak. I didn't interrupt; I wanted her to purge herself of all of the demons she was facing. I listened.

"When Alice told me of her vision, I wasn't even sure that I wanted to go out there," she began hesitantly, voice quivering. "I had a feeling that we wouldn't get there on time, but everyone insisted. We ran out to the La Push reservation, but we saw Emmett before we even got there. Bella, the wolves had tossed him aside; they didn't check on him or anything. The vision that Alice saw- it was probably entirely accurate. He was ravaged, but I don't think he was even dead until after he was thrown away like garbage. He died alone, and I wasn't with him." She put her face in her hands and took deep breaths, trying to get a grip on herself.

"Rosalie, I'm so sorry," I said sympathetically. I moved closer to her on the couch, putting an arm around her slender shoulders. "I know that we haven't always been that close, but I feel so awful about everything that has happened. I really liked Emmett," I offered. In the absence of what else to say, I threw that in there as an afterthought. It was the truth- I would really miss him.

My arm still around her, Rosalie lifted her head up and looked me straight in the eye. I saw now why she had been avoiding eye contact with me the entire visit. Dark makeup surrounded her eyes, camouflaging them, but the irises were red- blood red. _She was thirsty_. I suddenly felt scared.

My intuition kicked in a second too late. Before I could comprehend what was happening, Rosalie had reached for me with both of her arms and picked me up without effort, executing what seemed to be a perfect body slam in vampire-fast motion. I hit the carpeting with a painful thud, knowing that the wind had just been knocked out of me, gasping for breath. Rosalie straddled my hips and pinned my arms above my head on the living room floor with one of her hands. She stared at me with her ruby red eyes, seething, doing little to mask her hatred.

"Edward shows me no interest and then you come along, sweeping him completely off his feet," she started, her voice dripping with venom. "Your presence with him endangers our entire family, you expose our deepest secrets to a bunch of mangy dogs, you hurl yourself off a cliff causing complete chaos and getting us in trouble with the Volturri, you get an army of newborns to attack our entire town, and your whorish behavior just caused the death of my soul mate. My Emmett, my monkey-man, is DEAD because of you. I'm glad you liked him, though. That's just peachy." She spat in my face.

I couldn't wipe the saliva/venom away; even if I could, I wasn't sure that I wanted to. I deserved it.

Rosalie leaned in, exposing her shining white teeth. "Bella, I know how much you want to become a vampire, like me," she said. "I know you wish you were half as beautiful as I am. It's a shame; I just don't see myself changing you. I'm too thirsty- I don't think I am capable of that type of restraint right now. I hope you understand." She leaned closer, insolent mouth opening wider. I closed my eyes, and despite not currently practicing any one particular religion, I said a quick prayer. Not for myself, but for my family and friends, my best friend, and my husband. I swiftly made peace and prepared for the worst.

I prepared for it, but I didn't get it. Because before she had time to make a move, I heard the front door crash open and the sound of growling as Jacob hurled himself at her from across the room.


	6. Unhappy Ending, Again

Unhappy Ending, again

Jacob's wolf form whizzed over my head as he launched himself at Rosalie, knocking her off of me and onto the floor. They rolled around, in super-fast speed, looking like powerful avatars in an ultra-modern video game. I took advantage of the fact that I was no longer being pinned down to roll out of the way, get up, and run to the kitchen to grab a large butcher knife. Once it was in my hand, I realized the only person it could hurt was me; I immediately dropped it. I quickly scanned the kitchen, looking for some other means to protect myself. Garlic? No, Edward told me that was an old wives' tale; that it was ineffective against him and his family. Water? Maybe I could say my prayer again, bless it, make it holy. No dice.

I think that part of the reason that I was lingering in the kitchen was that truly, I didn't want to see any more fighting, I had already seen enough for a lifetime and lost a member of my family just today. I couldn't stand the thought of witnessing any more violence. Thankfully, Jacob understood that fact. A minute later, I heard him call me from the living room.

"Bella! You can come in; I haven't hurt her. Just put her in a- compromising position. You need to tell me what you want me to do with her now."

I entered the living room and almost laughed. Jacob was pinning Rosalie in an awkward stance, limbs twisted uncomfortably. But the amusing part was that her head was also restrained, with pieces of her hair wrapped very tightly around several different living room fixtures- if she moved her head around too much, she would pull her hair out by the roots. Rosalie, as vain as she was, would never go for that. She was, however, given enough movement to speak. She began to shriek.

"Let me go, you filthy mutt!" She screeched. Jacob adjusted his hold on her slightly, freeing a hand that he tried to slap over her mouth, but she went to bite him, and he realized that he probably wasn't making the smartest move. He readjusted and put his hand back, pinning her tighter.

"Bella, I'm so sorry I put you through this; I was patrolling the property when she came, but she got by me for a couple of minutes."

"How did she get by you?" I asked him point-blank, curious. He seemed to have the physical advantage, at least at the moment.

Jacob blushed furiously. "Um, she sort of distracted me for a second-"

"I flashed him!" Rosalie interrupted gleefully. "All eighteen-year old boys are the same," she stated plainly, "Show them a little boob and you can get them to do whatever you want. Of course, you seem to already have learned that lesson, Bella."

Jacob was still beet-red over his russet skin, his head down. "By the time I realized it, she had tied me pretty tightly to the tree out there with some thick metal rope," he said, embarrassed. "It took me a minute to free myself." He looked mortified.

I had to smile. "That's okay, Jacob," I said. "I'm fine; she didn't hurt me because of you. There's no need for you to feel bad." Despite the situation, I couldn't help but allow myself a very brief flashback of last night. Jacob _did_ like breasts; there was no denying that. We locked eyes for just a moment; his were smoldering at me, clearly thinking along the same lines as I was. I couldn't believe that less than twenty-four hours earlier we were together in his bed. So much had happened since then. It felt like an eternity ago.

Rosalie glared at me, her blood-red eyes boring into mine. "Ahem, sorry to interrupt the flirtatious banter, but you _do_ remember that you're still married to my brother, don't you, Bella?' she asked in a syrupy-sweet voice, not at all sincere.

"Of course, Rosalie," I replied. "I would really like to see him, actually," I turned to Jacob. "I think that we should take her home."

Jacob stared at me in disbelief. "Bella, are you crazy? This bitchy vampire just tried to kill you. Your bloodsucking husband wanted to kill _me_ earlier today. And now you're suggesting that we go back to where both of these and other bloodsuckers live, just to say hi?"

I looked back at him. "I don't want you to kill her, Jake," I replied. "And you're clearly using a lot of your strength just to keep her pinned like that. What else are we going to do with her?"

Jacob shrugged. "I don't know. But you're right, my arms are getting tired. Hey Bella, can you do me a favor and grab that rope outside? That shit is the strongest I've ever seen." He turned his face toward Rosalie. "Where the hell did you get it? Some sort of leech specialty shop?"

Rosalie shrugged slightly. "Wal-Mart," she replied.

* * *

I retrieved the rope for Jake and he tied her up. We weren't dumb enough to believe that she couldn't escape on her own, but it did relieve Jacob of where he had to confine her; the rope served as a few extra hands and some added pressure. I drove the Guardian while Jacob and Rosalie occupied the backseat, Jacob still securing her. We also weren't dumb enough to believe that Rosalie would actually try to attack again; Jake had her physically, and she knew it. He could pretty much phase instantaneously now and if she did anything to piss him off too badly and bring out his wolf form she would pretty much be toast, if he wanted. She was reduced to making snide comments and ridiculous insinuations.

"I bet after seeing my chest you're pretty excited to have me back here," Rosalie remarked to Jacob.

"It's too bad that you didn't have any extra strong duct tape with you so that we could shut your mouth," he retorted.

Rosalie shrugged. "If that's what you're into."

"All right, guys! Enough," I interrupted, trying to make peace. It was going to be a long drive if the conversation continued that way. I changed the subject. "Rosalie, how come Alice didn't see where you have been? Is she okay?" What I wanted to say, but couldn't muster up the nerve, was _how come none of the Cullens came to save me_?

Rosalie looked thoughtful. As though she were telepathic, she replied, "She might have seen, and just didn't care what I was doing to you, Bella." After a moment's hesitation, however, she added, "Though it's probably just because she couldn't get all the details because we were near the lice-ridden mongrel." She fake-smiled sweetly at Jacob.

"Oh," I said timidly. I hoped that was it. I continued to drive, deep in thought, when my attention wasn't being occupied by the bickering in the backseat. _At least they're not still trying to kill each other_; I thought sadly, _there's been enough killing already_.

As we rode further we fell into silence for a while, all of us quiet, pondering the situation. As we started to approach the Cullen property, I began to get anxious, anticipating how things would go down from here. Should I even go in? What if they all wanted to kill me? Did Edward even want to speak to me at this point?

I wasn't the only one. As I steered the Guardian towards the entrance to the Cullens' drive, Jacob shuddered involuntarily, then said, "Bella, I don't think I should go any farther onto their property. They all hate me enough as it is, and the treaty has already been broken once today; I don't want to start another battle here. How about we just drop the prissy blonde bloodsucker off and then go back to your place?"

"I'm going in, Jacob," I told him confidently, unwavering. If only that were how I felt. "You can drop me off, stay here, or come in with me, but I need to speak with Edward." I needed to hear from him, comprehend what was going on- and if I was putting myself in jeopardy in the process, so be it. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Rosalie look at me curiously, perhaps even with some small measure of admiration.

Jacob weighed his options. He sighed audibly, wordlessly scolding me for my stubbornness as well as my utter inability to avoid these types of dangerous situations.

"Jacob, I have to understand," I pleaded.

"But Bella, I don't want to see you get hurt," Jacob protested. His voice was full of emotion. I was sure that he had an ulterior motive- that he didn't want me to see Edward- but thankfully, he chose not to express this out loud.

Rosalie interrupted, clearing her throat. "Excuse me, I don't mean to intrude on the _two of you_" her last few words were oozing with implication, "but can you at least untie me and let me out before you have this dramatic 'go, don't go' lover's quarrel? I just don't think I can stomach it." Any trace of respect or admiration vanished from her flawless face.

"I thought you would never ask, ice princess," Jacob replied, "It would be my pleasure." With that, Jacob opened the car door, and with his dexterous hands, quickly went to work on some of the knots on the metal rope restraining her. Within a few seconds, he gave Rosalie a little shove while simultaneously yanking on the rope from one end. She went airborne as Jacob's forceful tug of the rope unraveled her from her restraints, spinning her like a twirling ballerina mid-leap. Yet she managed to land agilely on her feet, graceful as ever, several yards away. Deciding that it wasn't worth the effort to come back to the car and yell at Jacob, and figuring it would be in her best interest to avoid any more physical contact, she stood where she was and gave him the middle finger instead, before turning and running towards the house.

"Pleasant, isn't she?" Jacob remarked, jumping into the front seat next to me and flashing me a grin. Then his face turned serious as he looked me straight in the eye. "Look, honey, I haven't asked you for that much. But don't go in there. Let's just go back." His dark eyes pleaded me; then he cleared his throat and coughed uncomfortably. "We can, um, forget about everything that happened last night, if you want. Let's hang out at your place, eat some good food, watch TV, and wait for everyone to calm down. But don't go in there. Please."

It killed me to do it, but I had to deny him, turn him down. _Again_. It saddened me that he was probably used to it by now. "Jacob, I _have_ to go in there. I'm sorry." I averted his eyes so that I wouldn't cry, and opened the driver's side door of the Guardian, letting myself out as quickly as possible before shutting it again. Without looking back, I started making my way up the drive towards the Cullen house.

"Bella," I heard Jacob call after me, rolling down the window.

I turned around. "Yeah?"

Jacob gave me a look of concern, but his tone was supportive. "I'll be waiting for you here. The pack is aware of what's going on, and they're patrolling the boundary in case they're needed. But I don't want to get them involved unless we absolutely have to."

I nodded briskly. "Thanks, Jake."

He hesitated, then added, "Honey, be careful. I want this to go well."

I gave him as close to a smile as I could manage, waving at him and turning back around. But as soon as he was out of my line of vision, I sighed. Somehow, I had a feeling that anticipating a happy ending after all that had worsened this situation was asking for a little too much.


	7. Ultimatum, Again

Ultimatum, Again

The walk from the car parked at the end of the driveway to the Cullens' front porch seemed to take approximately five years. I was grateful that I fully utilized that time in thinking about what in the hell I was going to do when I got to the other side of their front door, because before I could even reach my hand up to use the door knocker, it swung open.

That was the distinct disadvantage of visiting a bunch of vampires with superhuman powers. I completely lost the ability to take them by surprise, and the mental edge that goes along with it. Even if Rosalie hadn't already given them the heads up, and for some reason Alice didn't have a vision of me coming, than Edward would still likely be able to read Jacob's mind. Not to mention the fact that they could all most likely hear and most definitely smell me coming long before I actually arrived.

Despite having carefully planned my words on the walk up, when the door opened, I was instantly taken off guard. Alice and Esme were both standing there, mouths agape, still not quite over their shock of my being there, even after their forewarning.

"Bella…." Alice breathed, blinking, trying to make sense of my figure standing in the doorway. "I can't believe it's you….I know I should believe it, since I saw you coming, but…." she trailed off, concluding her ramble.

"Bella, I'm glad that you're all right, dear, especially since Rosalie came in just a moment ago and is still obviously distraught," Esme began, placing her delicate hand on my cheek, maternal instincts taking over. Esme didn't know the half of it, or maybe she did. Regardless, she appeared to be back to her normal self; I could no longer sense any distance or animosity. "We're so sorry; we knew that Rosalie had left to clear her head but we had no idea that she had any ill intentions…she's just taking this so hard."

"Yeah, Bella, we're sorry," Alice jumped in. "I saw Rosalie at your place, but you guys were just sitting on the couch in your living room, talking," she tried to explain. "And then I just saw….nothingness…so I wasn't sure what had happened….until she just told us…" she finished up.

"That's okay, Alice," I said. "Jacob saved me- and that's why he's outside now," I threw that in before they asked about it, as I was sure that it was coming eventually. Sure enough, their expressions shifted into understanding, but wariness. Their eyes narrowed slightly.

"Technically he's over the treaty line, but I guess there's not much we can say or do about it, especially since I supposed he just helped you handle Rose's….impulsiveness," Esme said.

I just nodded. Part of me wanted to say something along the lines of '_Rosalie's almost murdering me in my own living room was a bit more than just impulsive_', but I wasn't here to argue with them. "Can I see Edward?" I whispered, pained. _That _was the reason I was here.

Esme nodded. "He's upstairs with Carlisle." She brought her hand to my cheek once again. "But Bella, he's still traumatized; Emmett was…." She hesitated, took a deep breath, "I mean, today has just been…." she tried again, but still couldn't quite put into words what Edward was experiencing at the moment. That was okay- I knew, kind of. Though it was hard to comprehend losing someone that I had known for so long, so much longer than….well, than I had even been alive. It was a weird thought.

Esme and Alice accompanied me upstairs and down the hallway to Edward's room, where Carlisle, Edward, and Jasper were all talking in hushed whispers. This time, I was thankful that Edward had the mind-reading ability and thus the heads-up to my arrival. I'm not sure I would have wanted to see his reaction had I taken him by complete surprise. As it stood, he looked raw, exposed, completely emotional, quite the opposite of how I was used to seeing him, Mr. Calm, Cool, and Collected. It was at precisely that moment that I fully grasped how much Emmett had meant to him.

Once again, guilt washed over me, but part of me tried to force it out. _You may have slept with Jacob, but you didn't cause these testosterone-fueled males to start one-upping each other_, my inner monologue reminded me. _Stop blaming yourself for Emmett's death- you weren't even there_. The rest of me wasn't buying it.

Edward looked at me for a long time, skin sallow, hair disheveled, eyes dark, expression darker. Yet he was still beautiful. "I'd like to speak with Bella alone," he said to his family, staring off into space, oddly disconnected.

That was all it took- the rest of the Cullens quickly departed from the room. I immediately clammed up; felt nervous, edgy. Like I had been called to the principal's office, and was waiting for the punishment to be administered; sentenced to execution, waiting for the guillotine to fall. The guilt was back, full-force- and was so overwhelming I felt like I had been punched in the gut.

Just the tone in his voice alone was enough to knock me over as he spoke. "Bella," he said, tortured.

"What?" I managed to whisper in reply.

Edward didn't respond right away. It was strange, for someone not technically needing to breathe, he closed his eyes and took several deep breaths, slowly exhaling, and this appeared entirely necessary to center himself, to keep him from acting on some raging impulse. He massaged his temples with his fingertips as though trying to ward off a pounding headache. _Do vampires get headaches_? I wondered briefly before returning to my state of paralyzing shame and fear.

When he opened his eyes, he looked noticeably calmer. But the words that he spoke next made me feel worse than if he would have slapped me across the face. "I'm so….disappointed in you."

_Oh, God_. Here we go; the '_I'm so disappointed in you_' speech. Had he spoken to Charlie? Charlie had a knack for breaking out those words precisely when they would have the most debilitating repercussions on my ego. Did Edward know that nothing he could say could cut deeper into my already guilt-ridden conscience? As if I wasn't already disappointed enough in myself. I nodded. "Me, too," I whispered.

He took another deep breath. "I understand that I've managed to frustrate you in just about every way possible. That's my fault, and I feel awful for our fight last-, well, I guess it was the night before last night," he corrected himself. It was after midnight by now, in fact, it was nearly two in the morning. I was exhausted.

He continued. "Of course it makes sense to me that Jacob would be all too willing to take advantage of your vulnerability. But what saddens me is that you put yourself in the perfect position for that to happen. You drove straight to La Push after our disagreement. You could have gone home, slept on it, and tried to calm yourself down. But instead? You drop by the house of the one person that you had a difficult time resisting in the past, the one you kissed back shortly after we got engaged. I wish that were all- but it wasn't until I heard his thoughts this morning that I realized how much of a willing participant you were in the whole matter- from what I understand, _you_ initiated things this time, kissed _him_. I expected you to be more thoughtful than that, Bella." He spoke his words with an eerie calm, making their impact even greater.

It was all true. The guilt, as massive as it already was inside my body, continued to grow exponentially. And what was worse? That as remorseful as I felt now, bits and pieces of memories of last night with Jacob continued to enter my mind- and there was nothing bad about them. It felt like Edward, the ever-so-disciplined vegetarian, was scolding me for eating a double quarter pounder at McDonald's, telling me how bad it was. I knew it was bad. I knew it was wrong. I felt horrible afterwards. But at the time? It was _So_. _Fucking_. _Good_. And that made me feel even guiltier.

I shifted my gaze downward, too ashamed to look directly at him. I attempted to explain, but couldn't really get out a coherent thought. "I was just so confused…upset about what you told me….I felt like you _deceived_ me……and I was so angry that you didn't stop me, or follow me….I just started driving….I don't even know _how_ I ended up at Jacob's place….and I was crying….and he just held me, and….. I felt so _wanted_, and I…..I," I faltered, unable to continue.

Edward, pulled my chin up, looked sadly into my eyes. "I wanted to hold you last night, too," he clarified softly. "I was just trying to give you the time and space to make up your own mind. I knew how upset you were with me, and if you were having doubts about what you wanted, I wanted to make sure it was _your_ decision, your fight…" he pleaded.

"But Edward, I wanted _you_ to fight for me!" I interrupted. "After our argument, I wanted you to storm up behind me in that meadow, throw me down on that blanket, and convince me beyond a shadow of a doubt that you are the _only_ one I should be with, make me absolutely one hundred percent certain that I _should_ become a vampire, let you change me. Don't you understand that about me by now? I felt like you stopped fighting for me. Jacob didn't." _Whew_. It felt good to get all of that out.

Edward looked at me carefully for several seconds, taking in my response. Resolve formed in his eyes.

The next thing I knew, Edward grabbed me forcefully by the waist and spun me towards him. He hoisted me up, wrapping my legs around his waist, before easily lowering us both onto his bed. He put both of his hands behind my head to absorb any impact from the mattress, though his carefully controlled movements didn't allow for one anyway. Edward then shifted position, straddling my pelvis with his strong legs, and then _very_ slowly ran his icy hands up my arms, stretching them over my head and pinning them with one hand at the wrists. I was left gasping for breath, exposed, completely vulnerable, practically catatonic. He then brought his cool breath towards my lips, kissing me hard.

His kiss was so intense that it rendered me incapable of rational thought. I thought of nothing except his lips of marble pressed tightly against mine. I thought of nothing except his beautiful eyes, dark at the moment, but they would be their characteristic golden topaz color again soon. I thought of nothing except his cool hands, one securely pinning my arms up, the other freely roaming my body, causing it to quiver in response. By the time that Edward had moved his lips down to my neck, I wasn't thinking at all anymore. I was just enjoying the moment, feeling on top of the world. He started kissing me all around my neck. I leaned my head back, letting him in.

It took me a few seconds to realize that he had stopped kissing, started nibbling at my neck gently, driving me crazy, causing my heart to pound. But before I could say anything, I felt something more serious- a little bite. It didn't hurt me, but I sure noticed it- my eyes widened in surprise. Edward took advantage of my full attention to move his head up and look into my eyes with his own, hypnotizing me.

"Mrs. Cullen, beyond a shadow of a doubt, I am the _only_ one you should be with," he began in his velvet voice, "And you _should_ become a vampire. And if you want us to work out, to live happily ever after, then let me change you. Right now."


	8. The Truth, Again

A/N: Ah, real life. It certainly can get in the way of writing fanfiction sometimes :)

The Truth, Again

I hesitated. I took a deep breath, letting the air out slowly, stalling. The few seconds' delay was all Edward needed. He knew.

"Bella, if I made this request two weeks ago you wouldn't have hesitated," he said, softly, velvety. "What changed?"

It was a pretty silly question…..what _hadn't_ changed? I had to assume he was asking me to specify, not list. Still, the list included: we got married, I found out that we would never have sex with me being human, we cancelled our honeymoon, we fought, I slept with Jacob, Emmett died, Rosalie tried to kill me…..and that was just the major stuff. I think that any combination of these factors would have been more than sufficient to put me out of the mood for the transformation, so to speak, never mind them all. Did I really want to focus on any of those reasons, though? No, not really. So I went for the more benign stuff.

"I thought we were going to have my transformation next Sunday," I said feebly, "and say that we were going 'to Dartmouth'. Charlie's probably still at the police station; I want to say goodbye to him…." Though Charlie certainly wasn't the only person I wanted to say goodbye to. And I'm sure that Edward suspected who else might be included in that statement.

My words were somewhat sobering to Edward. The fact that Charlie was investigating Emmett's murder, hearing the word 'goodbye'- Edward was having to say goodbye to his brother today, whether he was ready to or not. He nodded almost imperceptibly in understanding, releasing my wrists from the strong grip of his fingertips and pulling himself up into a sitting position.

I sat up and gently put my arm around him. Edward had his head buried in his hands, for once not looking so refined. "Edward, are you all right? I'm so sorry about Emmett…." I began to apologize, yet was still a bit guarded. I had never lost someone as close to me as Emmett was to Edward….so I couldn't entirely relate to what he was going through. And I certainly didn't want to say anything that would ignite a reaction like Rosalie's. So I chose to say nothing more at all, instead gently circling my fingers across Edward's shoulder while I looked at him sympathetically, trying to communicate that I was here for him as long as he needed me, as long as I could help. It was the least I could do. I grimaced briefly as I thought of Jacob waiting for me out in the car, but the guilt was fleeting as I reminded myself that Jacob didn't lose a brother today. I waited for Edward to speak.

Edward slowly raised his head to look at me, eyes brooding. But the pain in his eyes was quickly masked by something darker, a rare look of loathing, hatred. "I should have seen it coming. That dog has had it in for Emmett for ages."

My sympathy quickly transformed into sheer confusion. It took me a second for his words to register. "Huh? Paul?" I asked after a moment. "What are you talking about? Do you mean…." I racked my brain trying to think, to remember, what would cause mortal enemies to dislike each other more than their statuses already implied. After a second, something clicked. "Are you talking about the argument over Victoria?" My memories of the almost-fight were hazy, but I vaguely remembered something along the lines of Paul and Emmett threatening each other when Emmett crossed the treaty line in an effort to catch Victoria. The weekend that Edward had made me leave town because he knew that she was back and didn't tell me.

The memory of that weekend, as it always did, made me tense a little. I was so angry at Edward at the time. I now understood Edward's rationale for impulsively whisking me away and thus keeping me safe- I would have done the same for him, if given a chance. But it still bothered me that he lied. It bothered me that I had to find out from Jacob. And it bothered me that Jacob had a _look_ in his eyes when he told me, with Edward standing next to me, squirming. Jacob knew that Edward couldn't do a thing about my sure-to-come negative reaction.

Thinking about that day, or any day before the battle with Victoria, was surreal. It wasn't so long ago, but things were so different, so much simpler. Edward was my boyfriend; Jacob my friend. There may have been some gray areas here or there, lines that were blurred a bit, but they hadn't actually been crossed. Here we were, just a couple of months later, and I wasn't even sure on which side of the line I belonged. I had crossed it so many times I no longer knew which side was which.

"Bella?" Edward's voice quickly brought me back to Earth. I blinked, trying to bring the current situation back into focus, trying to rid my face of its faraway gaze into the past. I looked at him expectantly. What was he saying? Oh, yeah, Emmett and Paul. Once he saw that I was no longer preoccupied with the time and place he was describing, he answered me.

"No, it doesn't even have anything to do with Victoria. The truth is that this is between Emmett and….well Paul, Paul's family," he attempted to explain. He only succeeded in confusing me even more. I looked at him questioningly.

"Edward, what are you saying?" His effort to choose the least offensive words to express himself was doing nothing for me. I wished he would just spit it out.

Edward sighed, almost exasperated. But there was also just a twinge of embarrassment, shame. He returned my gaze, but lowered his head slightly. "Emmett killed Paul's great-grandmother. A long time ago, certainly." A note of defensiveness crept in.

For a split second, I was completely shocked- but when I took a moment to think about it, a lot clicked into place. I wondered how I could have not known this vital bit of information before- it seemed such a crucial piece to the puzzle. Then again, I couldn't recall an instance where Paul ever brought up his relatives. I wasn't even sure he had them. I wondered what his great-grandmother was like, if she was Quileute.

"She wasn't a carrier for the werewolf gene," Edward said, answering my silent question, reading my mind, as he always seemed to. "Paul's great-grandfather was. Emmett was still having trouble adapting to our way of life. It wasn't anything personal. He had no idea who she was."

"What happened?" I wondered.

"Nothing really," Edward responded. "It was prior to the establishment of the treaty. Paul's relatives were a little bit older than most of the other tribal elders. By the time the treaty came about, Emmett had been around a few years longer, understood Carlisle's expectations, knew how to handle himself around humans. But word was passed down, and Paul found out. He's hated Emmett ever since."

I sighed. "Well…." I broached the subject gingerly. "I mean….you can't really blame him, Edward." I paused a moment. "Besides, Paul almost attacked _me_, for crying out loud. But that doesn't mean that he's bad- he's just temperamental."

Edward held up his hand to wordlessly silence me. "Bella, I apologize, but I would really prefer that we stop discussing this," his tone of voice was back to being controlled, but his eyes revealed how devastated he still was. "I am already having difficulty fathoming what Paul did to Emmett; I can't bear the thought of him hurting you as well." He tried to lighten his tone, change the subject. "You still haven't officially answered my question."

"Question about what?" I asked, looking away, stalling for time, however brief. I knew perfectly well what he was asking.

"My question regarding whether you would be willing to undergo the transformation tonight, Mrs. Cullen," he replied smoothly, persuasively. I stole a brief glance at him before returning my eyes to the floor; he had just a hint of a smile appearing at the corner of his mouth. Clearly, he was making an effort to focus on something positive. And he was using the tone of voice that could cajole me into just about anything.

_Just about_. Because for a brief instant, I thought of Jacob again, waiting at the car. And then another scene from last night inadvertently flickered in my consciousness. Jacob's beautiful black eyes, staring at my naked body in amazement, taking me all in. His smoldering hands, pulling me closer while I rhythmically moved on top of him, sweating. His husky voice, whispering to me how sexy I was, how good I felt, how much he loved me. At the time, I was too distracted with the intense pleasure and heat coursing throughout my entire body to respond with anything other than cries of sheer passion.

The mere memory caused my core temperature to rise about ten degrees. My blood vessels dilated, trying to compensate, and my face suddenly felt flushed. I knew that I turned a deep shade of crimson as I finally pulled myself out of the memory long enough to look up at Edward's face.

Although I was never more grateful than at that precise moment that Edward couldn't definitively read my mind, I was sure that my illicit thoughts were probably pretty plain on my face. Shame intermingled with lust, turning my cheeks even redder. How could I even be thinking about sex with someone else while looking at Edward? I was a monster.

But just as quickly, the part of me that irrevocably changed after sleeping with Jacob, connecting with him the way I had, demanded it be heard. _What if something were to happen in your transformation? Would one night really be enough? And could you really give up being human, and the idea of ever being with Jacob, right now, without saying goodbye? After last night, after the effect that it had on you?_

The answer was no. No, I couldn't.

That was all I could say. "No, I can't, Edward." Jacob had spread his seed, literally and figuratively. A seed of doubt about my future, starting to sprout, its root system beginning to take hold, affixing it to my brain.

Edward's eyes narrowed. "Very well, Bella," he replied, the sense of disconnect that I had noted when I first saw him a few minutes ago momentarily returning. He shifted position. "But unfortunately, if you don't undergo this transformation, than I can't protect you anymore, make any promises about your safety- or Jacob's. You should probably go." A sense of urgency appeared to creep in towards the end. His voice sounded strained.

I could let Edward transform me, protect Jacob, keep us both safe. But my selfish instincts won out. I wanted to see Jacob, talk to him, even more. I nodded swiftly. "I understand." I debated about whether or not to hug Edward, but ultimately decided against it- I didn't want to press things. I whispered as I turned around, "I don't know when I'll see you again, Edward, but….I love you. Goodbye."

The unnerving strain in Edward's voice quickly transformed into an even creepier flatness. "I love you, too, Bella. And I'm certain I'll see you sooner than you realize."


	9. Treaty, Again

Treaty, again

I wasn't sure how to react. It sounded almost as though Edward was… threatening me. I thought back to the time, and it seemed so long ago now, when I was first getting to know him. I knew that he had killed, and that he thirsted for me, and yet I found the danger wildly erotic. This time it wasn't quite the case- I felt sad. Edward always said that he would do anything to protect me. And yet I managed to screw things up so badly that he was now planning to rescind his words, take them away.

I turned and walked slowly out of his room, down the hall, and down the ornate staircase towards the foyer. I didn't see or hear anyone trying to stop me, and it was ridiculous to rush. If they wanted me dead, there was absolutely nothing I could do to defend myself. Ultimately, if I died they would have to contend with Jacob and his pack, beyond what had already occurred today, which I'm sure was a powerful deterrent. But there was nothing stopping them at this moment from taking my fragile human life. Part of me wanted them to.

No, that wasn't true. I just turned down by far the most pleasant possible way for my human life to end. A way that I had been yearning for since before Edward and I went to the prom over a year ago. A peaceful, intimate moment with Edward followed by an eternity with him, the perfect male companion, who loved me unflinchingly. The best family that you could possibly ask for. Immortality. Staying my exact same age, never showing a wrinkle, or a sunspot, or a gray hair. Undeniable beauty, speed, and grace, attributes I never possessed even for a millisecond as a human. I sighed. Why did I say no again?

I got my answer when I opened the front door of the Cullens' house, and Jacob was on the other side, waiting for me. His grin was all-encompassing, taking up over half of his face; it simply lit up the space around him, even in the dead of night. My personal sun. He wrapped his gargantuan arms around me, pulling me close to his sweltering chest. "Bella," he said softly. "I'm so glad you're okay." With that, he scooped me up into his arms and took off, running for the Guardian parked at the far end of the drive.

What I first construed as a romantic gesture was actually, in part, a very wise ploy in facilitating our escape. Jacob could run with me in his arms faster than I could run myself, both feet on the ground. In a few moments Jacob had opened the passenger's side door, gently placed me inside. He then leapt across the roof, sliding Dukes-of-Hazzard-style, before gunning the engine and flooring the accelerator. We peeled away from the Cullen property at a speed that I never dared the Guardian to go.

"Jacob, slow down!" I gasped. He shook his head.

"Not until we get to La Push," he replied seriously. Sensing my anxiousness, he shot me a grin, eyes sparkling. "Don't worry, honey, I have excellent reflexes, if you didn't already notice," He winked at me before turning his eyes back to the road.

I gulped, nodded. We drove in silence; Jacob thoughtful, me fearful. My heart was pumping wildly, practically out of my chest. As I listened to it, the erratic and arrhythmic sputtering, I wondered how much longer it would continue to beat, how much longer I would be alive. Would the Cullens hunt me? Would I ever get the opportunity to be transformed again? I couldn't say yes to Edward, not now. But that didn't necessarily mean not ever. I just needed more time to decide.

I didn't even react when we passed the turnoff for Charlie's place and headed straight towards the reservation. Who knew when Charlie would be back; he tended to be obsessive about his work projects, and there were not likely to be much forensic evidence in the case, seeing as how both victim and perpetrator(s) were mythical creatures that somehow happened to coexist in a small Washington town. I didn't want to go home alone; Rosalie's attack was still fresh on my mind. I knew that Rosalie and I were never going to be best girlfriends- we would never have sleepovers, start pillow fights in our underwear, talk about boys, or eat ice cream sundaes, giggling hysterically. But this evening's events had really thrown me for a loop, because I truly never thought she would try to kill me, either. I also knew that Charlie understood how distraught I was today, and trusted Jake to take care of me, wherever I was. Charlie barely acknowledged the fact that I didn't come home last night, either. So La Push it was.

By the time the initial shock of speeding down the highway at a hundred plus miles per hour wore off, I realized that I was crashing, completely exhausted. I had already had too many adrenaline surges today; I simply didn't have anything left. By the time we reached Billy's house, I was sound asleep.

I stirred slightly as I felt Jacob's radiating frame close by. I felt dampness next to my cheek; apparently I had drooled all over my shirt. Jacob lifted me into his arms and slowly carried me down the hall towards his tiny room. He took off my shoes, laid me down in his bed, covered me with a blanket, and kissed my cheek. Then Jacob was the perfect gentleman, if you could say that about a werewolf- he left me in his room and closed the door.

* * *

I awoke some time later to the sound of murmurings, voices, down the hallway. Glancing at Jacob's nightstand, I realized that it was after four p.m., and that I had been out cold for about twelve hours. Stretching my back and reaching my arms out wide, I stifled a yawn. I was still beat- yesterday had been, without a doubt, the longest day of my life.

There was no way I was going back to sleep now, however- I was entirely too curious. I quickly pulled myself together, running my fingers through my hair to straighten it, adjusting my clothes, and borrowing a little toothpaste from Jake to finger-brush my teeth. I then slowly made my way down the hallway towards the source of the conversation, the kitchen.

Sam, Jacob, Paul, Jared, and Embry were gathered around the kitchen table, speaking in subdued voices, though occasionally I had heard one of their voices rise animatedly before the inevitable shushing by the rest of the pack members. When I appeared in the doorway, the conversation immediately grinded to a halt and I felt five pairs of eyes gazing in my direction. I tried to be casual.

"Um, good morning, uh, I mean, afternoon," I stammered, opening the fridge. I desperately wanted some Gatorade; my throat was parched and my entire body felt weak, dehydrated. I supposed it could have something to do with the fact that I probably shed a couple liters' worth of tears in the last day or two. Being a boys' fridge, however, there was nothing but a few cans of Miller Genuine Draft. Ugh. I reached instead for a glass and began filling it with tap water.

Jacob looked at me, smirking slightly. "Sleep okay?" Perhaps he was thinking of the fact that I had spent the last two nights in his bed.

I nodded. "Just fine, thanks," I replied. Glass full, I sauntered a bit closer, leaning up against the counter. The boys looked at me expectantly, as though they were waiting for me to leave. But I stayed- I was too determined to see what they were up to.

"Uh, I'm so sorry about yesterday, Bella," Sam began. He sounded truly distressed. "I don't know- what else to say. It was terrible."

"Yeah, we're sorry," Jared and Embry chimed in. Paul stayed silent, arms crossed, eyes to the floor.

I approached Paul. As much as his combative nature had annoyed me in the past, and as upset as I still was about Emmett, I wasn't mad at him. I wasn't sure if I should have been or not. But it was so easy to get caught up in the Cullen perspective, and I knew so little about Paul's family, never even thought about what Paul might have had to go through growing up. It wasn't fair of me to judge him without hearing him out first. I gently put my hand on his shoulder. "I heard about your great-grandmother," I said simply.

Paul's head snapped up. "You're-" he stared at me in disbelief, spoke incredulously, "not pissed at me?"

I sighed. "Not right now. I guess I can understand. I just…I just wish that you could have known the Emmett that I did. It's a shame, more than anything."

Paul nodded in understanding. "I didn't know he was going to attack, Bella," he said seriously. "I didn't have any intention of breaking the treaty."

Here was my in. "So, the treaty's….broken. Beyond repair, I'm guessing. What happens now?" I asked, addressing the entire pack, but mostly Sam, I supposed. I tried to sound pitifully ignorant. I think I succeeded, likely because I was.

Sam responded authoritatively. He took a deep breath. "We keep preparing for a vampire attack, Bella. I am trying to imagine how I would respond if they had killed one of our members, even if we had jumped the line first. Despite Carlisle's self-control, I have to assume that he would seek revenge after losing someone so close to him, because I sure as hell would. So we wait for them and prepare to defend our lands if invaded."

I had to jump in. "But you won't…"

"No, we have no reason to go on the offensive," Sam replied, completing my thought. "But we didn't lose one of our own yesterday. Surely that has had devastating effects on their mindset."

I thought of Esme, Rosalie, Edward. It most certainly had. I nodded in agreement, fell silent.

Sam gestured for the other pack members to go outside. They obliged, then Sam turned to Jacob. "So are you all right with the plan? You don't mind taking over the patrol later this evening, when Quil and Seth are back?"

Jacob nodded, and then turned to me, explaining, "Just doing some reconnaissance of the treaty lines. Billy will be back by then, and Seth can be on the lookout in the backyard. Billy called the police station early this afternoon, woke Charlie up- apparently he had been sleeping sitting up in a chair. So he dragged him out- I think they went fishing or something. But Charlie was planning on returning to the station afterward, so you don't need to be worried about him alone at your house. Charlie is determined to find out what happened yesterday. And Billy told him that you were here, and that you were safe, and told Charlie not to worry about you. So you can hopefully relax and catch up on your sleep. I know that yesterday was hard for you."

Jacob turned back to Sam. "Good luck, brother," he said, hugging him.

Sam looked at me one last time. "I'm sorry for all of this, Bella," he said. Then he turned and exited the back door to join the rest of the pack, leaving Jacob and I alone.


	10. Alone

Alone

My first reaction to Jacob's information was relief. I didn't have to worry about Charlie; he would be at the police station, or with Billy. Not that I truly believed that Charlie was the Cullens' first target anyway, but it felt good to know that he would be okay. And that I didn't have to be home by myself. While I swore just twenty-four hours ago that I wouldn't put myself in the precarious position of being alone with Jacob, it was amazing what a vampire attack could do to change my mind. Remembering Rosalie's shiny white teeth at my throat was a motivator to seek out company, _any_ company. Even company that I was a little apprehensive to be alone with.

Having been unconscious for half a day, I had no desire to follow Jacob's suggestion of catching up on more sleep. Yet I didn't have the energy to do much else. Starving, I poked around the bare cupboards at the Black household, finally settling on a frozen pepperoni pizza, asking Jacob if he would split it with me.

"What do you think?" was the sardonic reply. But he was grinning.

After eighteen minutes, I emerged from the kitchen with the heated pizza, some paper plates, and my tall glass of tepid water. _There wasn't even any ice in the ice cube trays_, I thought, half of me annoyed, the other half amused. I supposed that putting a plastic container briefly underneath the faucet followed by sticking it into the freezer was far too domestic for Billy and Jacob. I had to smile.

I plopped down on the couch next to Jacob, who was flipping through the channels. "Anything good to watch?" I asked him casually, gesturing to the tube.

Jacob looked over at me, locking eyes with me for a moment. Then he silently moved his eyes down my body before raising them up to meet my face again. He bit his lip for a second before responding, "Not on TV."

I was still wearing the flannel pajama pants and "Forks High School Class of 2007" T-shirt that I had donned for bed before Rosalie showed up last night. I had barely managed to grab my grungy but oh-so-comfortable black hoodie before we headed over to the Cullen house. My hair was greasy and all over the place, I was sure I was paler than usual because I was tired and dehydrated, and I hadn't properly brushed my teeth. I never felt less sexy. Yet Jacob was staring at me as though I were an absolute goddess.

I would have chalked off his remark as being cheesy had I not seen the intensity of the expression on his face as he said it. As it stood, his insinuation was enough to make us both blush, a little. For me, I'm sure it was the only trace of color that was apparent on my pallid face; for Jacob, it just made his beautiful russet skin glow a little brighter. But before either of us could respond, Jacob suddenly stood up and strode into the kitchen.

He reappeared several seconds later with….one of the MGDs. Huh?

"Since when do you drink beer?" I asked him. I had never seen him even take a sip of alcohol before.

Jacob shrugged. "It's no big deal," he replied, voice husky. "I hang out with a lot of older guys- it gets involved from time to time. It goes good with pizza. Besides," he chuckled, gesturing to his ripped torso, barely restrained under his tight black T-shirt, "I've got a pretty fast metabolism. A beer won't do very much damage, trust me."

I was still puzzled. "Than why drink it?" Despite having completed high school, and attending my share of parties, I wasn't a beer drinker. It tasted gross.

He attempted to make a joke. "Well, it's that or lukewarm water," he replied, "You saw the fridge." He glanced at me. "Am I right?" Although he was correct, he was distracting me from his real answer, his main one, and I could see right through it. Did I want to know what that answer was? _Sure, why not_. I stared at him knowingly until he finally fessed up.

"Okay, fine," he finally said, defeated. "I'm just… anxious. I don't know how to act around you now. Beer is supposed to be good for suppressing anxiety, right?"

"Huh," I said. I paused a moment. "How about you just act friendly? Like when we first started hanging out?" I suggested, trying to address his concern.

Jacob let out a low whistle. He hesitated a second before responding, "That's a pretty tall order, Bella. We weren't exactly friendly two nights ago. And I absolutely cannot stop thinking about it."

I ignored how his words made me feel, for the time being. I held up my hand in protest, as though to silence him. "Jacob, since that happened, there has been a fight where one of your brothers was attacked, your pack killed a vampire, which happened to be my brother-in-law, I was almost mauled by his ex-wife, and Sam is worried that the whole clan will start a war. Surely you have more pressing things to think about."

"Nope," he said, popping the _p_ as I had heard him do so many times before. "This is where guys are just different- or at least I am. Yes, I have thought about all of those things- but I can compartmentalize those concerns in my mind. They don't interfere at all with my desire to get you naked and spend hours pleasing you, going down on you, making you scream." His dark, deep-set eyes zeroed in on mine.

_Well, okay then_. His words were arousing enough on their own- but they affected me even more now that they had a context. Less than forty-eight hours ago, I _was_ naked, he _was_ pleasing me, I _was_ screaming. I briefly closed my eyes, letting my mind wander- for just a few moments, I was back there, reliving it, and nothing else mattered. When I reopened my eyes, it didn't take me long to realize by the way that Jacob was staring back at me that I could have it all again in a second, if I wanted.

What could I say? Nothing that wouldn't make me feel completely insensitive to the delicacy of the situation presented to us. Jacob's pack brothers were patrolling, waiting for a possible vampire attack, and here we were, talking about sex. Ridiculous. I picked up a slice of pizza and shoved it into my mouth, taking a huge bite, trying to buy a few seconds until I could think of an intelligible response.

"I know you're thinking about it, too. You don't have to deny it." His voice had a hint of his smugness, cockiness to it, just like the Jacob I remembered from…before.

He said that just as I was about to swallow and part of the pizza crust ended up going down the wrong tube, choking me. I immediately started coughing in a fit; Jacob reacted quickly, slapping me on the back. My eyes involuntarily welled up with tears as I continued to cough into the napkin in my hands, eventually dislodging the obstruction. After a several seconds, I finally started to feel back to normal. My coughing ceased, and my breathing returned to a somewhat regular rate.

"Are you all right?" Jacob asked me.

I nodded. I wasn't sure if I could speak yet. But I couldn't let him get away with that. After a few seconds, I added quietly, "Only because you brought it up." I coughed again, once.

Jake looked at me in surprise. He arched a dark eyebrow. "What did you say?"

I coughed, one last time, clearing my throat, though I wasn't entirely sure that I wanted Jacob to hear me. "Um, I'm only thinking about it because you brought it up," I repeated softly, blushing.

I don't think he was expecting to have his statement confirmed. Shock on his face transformed into amazement, then determination.

Jacob leaned across the couch and kissed me. Softly, tenderly at first. But as he felt me responding to him, it quickly became rougher, more urgent. He kept leaning into me, putting his hands behind my head and gently lowering me until I was lying on the couch and he was flush on top of me. His searing body pressed tightly against mine as we kissed, and I instantly broke out into a sweat.

The way that Jacob was kissing me made me lightheaded. Maybe it had to do with my earlier coughing fit, a delayed effect of my momentary lack of oxygen. Maybe it was a secondary effect of the beer- Jacob had only taken a few sips, but I could taste alcohol on his hot breath- and to my surprise, it drove me wild, tasted good- much better than the beer itself. It was intoxicating. Or maybe it was just the movement of his incredible hands to erogenous zones that I never knew existed- and definitely some ones that I did. His hands literally left blazing trails everywhere they touched, my tingling nerves sending potent synapses to my brain, overloading it. I tried to slow my breathing, fighting the feeling of faintness that threatened to interrupt everything.

Overcome with passion, and sensing the degree of heat transfer between us, how quickly my body temperature rose, Jacob reached down with both of his hands, and with one fluid motion, completely ripped my T-shirt open, from neckline to waist, exposing my bare chest- I never did put on a bra before going to the Cullens' last night. I briefly pulled away.

"Hey," I complained, raising my eyebrows at him. "I liked that shirt." My complaints had less to do with my shirt being opened, and more to do with the manner in which Jacob had done it.

"I'll buy you five," came the husky reply, before Jacob pressed his lips to mine again. I had to smile for a second, mid-kiss. He was shameless.

Jacob's warm mouth and full lips gradually worked their way from my lips, to my left ear, then to my neck, causing me to moan when he reached a _very_ sensitive spot there. His musky smell overwhelmed my senses. He then moved his lips to the center of my neck and used his mouth and tongue to slowly work its way downward in a straight line, moving from the top of my chest, to in-between my breasts. His hands ran all over my body as he deviated from his center line, taking one of my breasts into his warm mouth, engulfing it. I gasped, a little shocked from the change in temperature, like dipping a cold foot into a steaming bathtub. But it was also soothing, relaxing in a way. That is, until his started flicking his tongue on my nipple. _Oh, my God_.

Jacob repeated the process with my other breast before moving his hot mouth and tongue back into the center of my chest, then slowly, slowly moving them downward again. To the top of my stomach. Down to my belly button. Then an excruciatingly slow hike down my pleasure trail. Teasing me.

By the time Jacob's tongue reached my clit and he began applying a little pressure, I felt as though he had been tormenting me for hours. I screamed out loud, expressing simultaneously both utter frustration and immeasurable pleasure.

Then I heard something that made me forget all about it.

For a second, I thought that my voice had echoed- the response was faint, distant, as though the sound of my ecstasy had carried over unfathomable distances. But we both stopped abruptly, and as I held my breath, after a few moments I could hear it again, much closer, much more clearly.

The earsplitting howl of a werewolf crying in pain.


	11. Adrenaline, Again

Adrenaline, again

I managed to make brief eye contact with Jacob despite his head still being between my legs. In that split second, I saw his dark eyes convey a full range of emotion. We were still in a blatantly compromising position, and they hadn't entirely lost their glint of lust and desire. Yet now they also had a deer-in-headlights look about them, expressing mortification, shock, and fear all at the same time. His hands, which had been resting gently on my thighs, gripped them a little tighter for a second as he quickly pushed himself up to a standing position.

Jacob's russet skin flushed a deep crimson, and after a second his cheeks appeared to darken to an almost unnatural purple color. He opened his mouth and his lips started to move, but it almost looked as if he was speaking on a few seconds delay, being edited for TV- because the words couldn't escape promptly. Clearly, he had no idea what to say. Neither did I. But that moment was fleeting; he had to say something, because he was never one to not take action when there was a fight. He had to get out of there. And quickly.

"Uh, I'm so sorry, Bella," he began, chewing on his lower lip. The contradiction was plain on his face- he was utterly torn between deep-running pack loyalty and instant sexual gratification. But it was obvious who the victor was- we both knew it. For a moment his eyes glazed over as he looked longingly at my mostly-naked body, shirt torn open, flannel pants and underwear bunched up somewhere in the vicinity of my knees. But just as suddenly, a keenness and sense of alertness took over them as he forced himself back into protection mode. He added in a strained voice, "I have to go. I'll be back as soon as I can." Almost pleading, begging me not to be mad at him. With that, he quickly leaned down to kiss my cheek, then turned and leapt out of his tiny window headfirst, phasing almost instantaneously and gracefully landing on the ground in wolf-form.

Everything felt so sudden. My reaction time was obviously a bit delayed. "Wait! Should I come with you?" I shouted after him. But by the time the words had finally escaped my lips, Jacob was long gone.

I lay there on Jacob's bed in his tiny room, feeling exposed. Literally and figuratively speaking. I quickly pulled my underwear and pants up, scolding my crazy teenage hormones for allowing something this inappropriate to happen in the midst of all of the violence and commotion. It was ludicrous- sex was the last thing that I should be thinking about. Yet I allowed myself one last moment. Jacob's hot tongue pressed against me just a few moments ago. _Ooooohhhh, damn_. But he was gone now, and there were more important things to consider. I quickly yanked the drawstrings at the top of my flannel pants and tied a double knot.

What to do? I was really alone now. And not exactly comfortable with the idea, considering the vampire attack of less than twenty-four hours ago. I was terrified of one of the Cullens' coming after me, although I couldn't really blame them, of course. Yes, it might have been the pack that killed Emmett and not me, but I brought the entire mess on myself. _Don't blame me, blame my stupid surging estrogen levels, _I thought in my own defense. Surely the female vampires had no concept of the degree of my hormonal fluctuations, how much power they had to control me. Most of them, other than Esme, had been younger than me when they had been transformed. If they knew, there is no way they could hold me accountable for my behavior. These crazy hormones could really mess with your mind. I thought of Renee; there was no other plausible explanation for why I would occasionally catch her crying at a MasterCard commercial.

Yet as much as I was scared that one of the Cullens' would come here, I was even more scared that they wouldn't, that they would turn their revenge onto the pack, where I knew it didn't belong. Yes, Paul was a hothead, but what did any of the other wolves do to deserve any of this? Nothing. And they have already suffered for it.

I felt an increasing sense of uneasiness as the seconds ticked by without any kind of confirmation, no idea of where the Cullens were, of whether I was right in my hypothesis of where they might go and who they might target or whether the answer was d) none of the above. I thought of Edward's words. _I'm certain I'll see you sooner than you realize_. I shivered involuntarily, not sure whether it was because of my mind's association with Edward's icy skin or whether his words truly scared me. I thought of Edward's tortured expressions of last night, wondering what he could possibly have been thinking. He wouldn't do anything to harm anyone, would he? I knew that he couldn't control his family, but he still loved me, right?

I cringed as it suddenly occurred to me that Edward and I were still married as I was doing all of this, focusing all of my human sexual desires on Jacob. I cringed again for taking so long to come to that realization; that it didn't seem to occur to me just a few minutes ago when Jacob was going down on me. Seriously, what was I thinking?

I got up and started pacing the length of Jacob's tiny room. I could cover the length in about six full strides. I paced a lap, then another, then another. In that time, I concluded that I had no idea what in the hell I was still doing there.

I had a horrific flashback to yesterday morning, sitting in the Guardian. Chewing my fingernails, waiting for the time to pass. First seconds, then minutes, and then hours. All the while, I did nothing. And in the meantime, Emmett was killed. If I had only been there, perhaps it could have all been prevented. I could have done something. And I hated myself for it. And then, for an instant, I could have sworn that I heard the sound again. The howl. Faint. Distant.

I know that I possessed no supernatural powers, that I was merely a weak human, and that I didn't have the strength or speed to do anything to help. But something that I had heard not too long ago changed my mind about that last part, given me hope from that moment onward. Hope that I could still make a difference. _The third wife_. It might have been too late for Emmett, but perhaps it wasn't too late now.

I zipped up my hoodie and frantically tied the shoelaces on my sneakers, then bounded out of Jacob's room. I started running down the hallway towards the front door. Once I burst outside, I hit a full sprint, racing towards the garage. I didn't run for the Guardian, it might have been fast and sleek, but it was big. Where would all of this commotion be taking place? Probably not anywhere that the Guardian would have easy access, like in the streets. It was more likely in the forest somewhere, or the meadow- wherever the treaty line was. I would be better off using something else to get there.

In the overflowing garage, my eyes quickly darted around various car parts and partially assembled vehicles until they settled on what I had been searching for, leaning up against the wall. Bright red, like the heat from a blazing fire. It reminded me of Jacob. My motorcycle. By some miracle, even after all we had been through; Jacob still had it, positioned next to his. I was grateful for this despite the possibility that if Charlie discovered that Jacob was still harboring it, he would be in deep trouble. I briefly wondered if Jake had been holding onto it for a reason, whether my bike held any sentimental value for him- I had to guess that it would. It definitely did for me. Shopping for parts. Spending time with Jacob right here, watching him put it back in working order- just like he had done with me. Learning to ride it, the adrenaline flowing through my body. Pre- werewolf and blurry line days- Jacob and I were best friends. I wondered what we were now. _Riding lessons, indeed_.

I pulled the bike from off of the wall and mounted it, aiming the bike towards the opening of the garage. It had been a while since I had ridden, but I thought I remembered how to do it pretty well from the first time Jacob and I went out to take them for a spin. Of course, I ended up splitting my head open and almost going to the ER. _Don't think about that part, Bella. You can do this._ I kick started the bike, released the clutch, and took off, perhaps a bit too abruptly, like a rocket.

I closed my eyes briefly as I sped from the gravel of the Blacks' driveway into the tall grass of their backyard, bracing myself for deep mud, stones, small animals, or obstructions that would send me careening out of the seat of my motorcycle and plummeting to my death. Surprisingly, I felt just the soft thud of the grassy earth as I made my way through the Black backyard towards the forest. I realized just then that I wasn't even wearing a helmet. How idiotic.

If there was ever a moment when I might expect the velvety sounds of Edward's voice to appear, scolding me for my recklessness, than it would be precisely now- but there was nothing. I hadn't had those hallucinations in a long time. Lately, I wished that they would come back. Because Edward hadn't left again, or at least hopefully he hadn't for good, I would no longer need those auditory mirages to remind me that he existed. Instead, they could serve as my conscience; scold me when I was about to do something crazy, like cheat on him with Jacob. I could hear it now- Edward's softspoken voice murmuring, _now Bella, don't be a whore_, right as I was about to act on my hormonal impulses. I thought a moment, remembering. His imaginary voice did say something once as I was about to kiss Jacob. _Be happy_. Maybe that's why he'd been so distant- he had to know that in order for me to do something as despicable as cheat on him, I really must be getting something out of it. I couldn't help it. In my sex craze with Jacob, I just felt so- _alive_. _Human_- and _happy_. Just what Edward always wanted for me but could never convince me was a remote possibility. Up until what happened a couple of nights ago, I thought that those words together were an oxymoron.

I was approaching the forest now, so I flicked on the headlights- it was already dusk outside, and as the trees became denser the forest looked pitch-black. I was obviously going to take no one by surprise, not with the loud throttling of the engine and distinct human smell. I might as well be able to see.

As soon as the bright beams of light projected into the forest, I changed my mind. What was now visible before me was something that I would have preferred never to have seen at all.


	12. The Hunt, Again

The Hunt, again

Using the headlight to look through the darkness of the forest floor, I saw it, about ten feet away. I almost fainted. It was probably one of the most grotesque things I had ever witnessed. Blood was everywhere.

It wasn't a human body. It wasn't a werewolf. It was a….hybrid, of sorts.

Mangled limbs. How many? More than there should have been. I saw an arm. A leg. Part of a human body. A slender shoulder. A curved hip. And yet, impossibly, I also saw ….paws. A pointed ear. A tail. All covered in….light grey fur.

_Leah_.

She lay sprawled out, obviously in the most unnatural position possible….because this was not a position any werewolf would have chosen to remain in any longer than they absolutely had to.

_The vampires had murdered her mid-phase_.

I turned away and vomited.

* * *

When I turned my head back around, I gradually took in my surroundings. Before, I had been unable to pry my eyes away from Leah's mangled body. This time, I managed to look upward- I just couldn't stomach the horrific vision anymore. Now I could see nothing but the eyes of huge wolves staring back at me. No whispered conversation- they could obviously communicate without me. No sound at all, in fact- except crickets chirping. No words were spoken to me. Not that they were really needed, anyway. The russet-colored wolf's eyes told me everything.

_Leah is dead. And the Cullens were the ones who killed her_.

A cool breeze blew in the night, sending shivers down my spine….as if I wasn't creeped out enough already. I tugged at the strings on my sweatshirt, tightening the hood around my face. I finished zipping it up, remembering for a moment that I was essentially naked underneath. All I had were T-shirt halves that I had hastily attempted to tie together in my mad rush to get out of Jacob's room. The wind whipped through my hoodie and patchwork T-shirt repairs, chilling me to the bone.

I looked down at Leah one last time. She was beautiful; she didn't deserve to look like this. This was not how I wanted to remember her. As I stared at her contorted figure from afar, I tried to overlay the vision I had of her alive- stunning, sharp, vibrant, youthful- on top of her lifeless sideshow body. I couldn't do it. _A wolf girl. Literally._

Thankfully, I was interrupted by the sound of footsteps approaching. I quickly looked up and vowed not to shift my gaze back to the ground. Jacob was walking toward me- I hadn't even heard him phase, yet here he was, only a few feet away and getting closer, wearing nothing but a pair of ratty jeans. On his body they looked like they were worth about a million bucks. Jacob's muscles shone in the little bit of moonlight now peeking into the forest where I had entered, deltoids flexing as he lifted his arm to gently place on my shoulder. But his words could not have been less alluring.

"We're going on the offensive, Bella," Jacob said, calmly, eerily. "I've been asked to relay the message to you. We've been discussing strategy, but we're finished now and ready to act. We'll be leaving momentarily." He began to turn back around towards the pack.

"No, wait!" I protested feebly. I just had to stall for a little while, until I could come up with a better alternative. But I couldn't think of a good explanation to support my request. So I let the words just hang there. After a moment, out of sheer desperation to keep Jacob's attention, I burst out, "What happened?"

Jacob turned his head around and looked at me with mixed emotions. None of them good, however. Sadness, anger, bitterness. His expression encompassed them all. He took a breath and whispered, acid in his voice, "What do you think? Those _murderers_ jumped on her as soon as she started to phase. She was at her mom's, in human form, just starting to come back to us." His voice filled with disgust as he looked down, shook his head. "They couldn't even wait for her to finish phasing. She-" he started to choke out, then realized he was too emotional to finish. Jacob promptly forced his lips together, but then noticed that they were trembling. He bit down on his quivering lip, trying to restrain it.

"I'm sure it was just Rose, and not any of the others," I squeaked out pitifully, desperate for Jacob to believe my words, desperate for _me_ to believe them. "You saw her, Jake. She was- out of control," I thought to less than twenty-four hours back; remembered the frenzied look in her eye as Rosalie was about to attack, to bite my neck. I'm not sure I would have put anything past her at this point. "She probably got away from whoever was supposed to be keeping an eye on her and-" I knew that I needed to stop rambling, but I had to fill the silence somehow.

Jake held his hand up to quiet me. He sadly shook his head. "Bella, Quil and Seth had patrolled the Clearwater property less than two minutes before. There was no trace of any vampire having been there. They didn't smell anything. Now, how would the bloodsuckers have known that a werewolf could be found there, without any of us, in human form? One who hadn't been communicating closely with the pack?"

The answer hit me like a punch in the gut; I literally felt like my breath had been taken away. I couldn't believe it. I didn't want to believe it. _Alice_. No. She couldn't. She couldn't even _see_ them, could she? I wondered about the limitations of Alice's gift, wondered if there was any way that she knew that Leah was home, away from the rest of them. Could Alice have seen or heard something to make her believe that Leah was there? Then I realized it shouldn't matter. She wouldn't have told anyone, even if she did know. Would she? I couldn't even think it, let alone say it. In the end, I didn't have to. Jacob knew what I was thinking. It made me wonder, once again, whether it was actually him that had the ability to mindread.

"Look down at her, Bella. Have you _seen_ what they've done? Who else would have been responsible for this but the Cullens' after yesterday? And now, knowing that the fortune-telling bloodsucker has to be in on it, too- do we have any other choice but to act?"

"You don't know-" I began to say. I went to avert my eyes from him, then gulped. I didn't want to glance down. If I did, I would throw up again, I just knew it. Just thinking about it made me sick, actually. And suddenly, inexplicably, angry. Things didn't have to happen this way. Unfortunately, I had no one else to inflict my anger on- but Jacob.

"You could choose to spend some time protecting your own," I lashed out at him, cold and bitter. "If you had been protecting Leah better, if you had actually gone to see her or filled her in, than this never would have happened." By you, I was actually referring to any of the members of the wolfpack- it had just come out all wrong. Jacob's normally warm black eyes iced over.

"I was with you, Bella," he began, his voice strained. Clearly, he was taking extraordinary measures to control it. "And I didn't hear you complaining. As far as the pack goes, they took the measures that they could. Seth howled at their place for half an hour earlier, begging for Leah to come out and phase. She had to have heard him. Had she listened, she would be fine right now. I don't know why she didn't, why she made the decision to avoid him. It cost Leah her life. But it was her decision to make." Jacob looked down at Leah once again, eyes fixed to her face. And then, the unimaginable happened. First one tear, then two, then too many to count began to roll down Jacob's cheeks. I would not have thought it possible. Yet he didn't look like a blubbering idiot, his tears were quiet, dignified. If anything, they made him look even better.

For some indeterminable reason, I didn't feel the urge to cry with him. Maybe it was because I had shed more tears in the last forty-eight hours than I had the rest of my entire life, combined. Perhaps it was because I was feeling too many other things. Anger. Fear. Dread. An awful queasiness in the pit of my stomach, forewarning me that the worst had not yet come. That this was going to be another long night.

Jacob wiped his tears on his bare arm, and he looked straight at me, taking a few shaky breaths. After a few moments, Jacob spoke. His next words reaffirmed my every fear. "And, Bella-" he put his arm on my shoulder once again, "I am not going to hesitate to kill your bloodsucking husband if he had anything at all to do with this. This is war." Despite the blazing heat emanating from Jacob's hands, I shuddered at the coldness of his words. I shook his arm off of me, shivering.

Sensing that I would no longer want to speak to him after what had just come out of his mouth, Jacob turned and began to walk away. I was terrified, paralyzed with fear for a moment. What should I do? I tried to calculate the probability of finding Edward to warn him; whether my odds would increase or decrease with Jacob at my side. I was a weak human, after all- It would take me forever to locate Edward on my own- there was no way after what I just witnessed that the Cullens' could still be at their house. I tried to picture the scene unfolding if I _did _find Edward. I remembered his last words to me: _I'm certain I'll see you sooner than you realize_. Not feeling confident in how I could interpret that statement, and thinking about Rosalie, I knew that I had only one choice. I was petrified that Jacob would make good on his promise, but I knew that neither he nor any member of his pack wanted to hurt me. And if nothing else, I knew he was looking for Edward, too.

"Wait!" I called after Jacob again. He turned to face me, looked at me quizzically; I had sounded desperate, needy. _I was_. "Take me with you." _Third wife. _I had to protect Edward. I had to protect them both. And I knew it was a long shot, but still felt strongly that maybe, just maybe, I could. After all, they both still loved me. At least, I hoped they did.

Jacob sighed. Than, wordlessly, he phased. I saw the russet wolf and the black wolf look at each other for a long time, silently communicating. Then, after a couple of minutes, Jacob phased back and nodded brusquely.

"All right. You're riding me."

Despite the horrific situation, his unintentional innuendo reflexively caused the corner of my mouth to travel upward just a bit. But it didn't stay there.

Jacob spoke again, somber, but all business. "Let's go hunt some vampires."


	13. An Impasse, Again

An Impasse, again

I would have preferred Jacob carry me like he had so many times before, but since that would have left him out of vital pack communication, unfortunately that wasn't an option for this evening. I looked at the wolves, taking in their sheer massiveness, then back at Jacob, a skeptical expression on my face.

"Don't sweat it, Bella- it's easy, once I phase just grab the fur at my neck and pull yourself up," he said. "Don't worry- I won't hurt you." His words were reassuring, but his tone was strained- his attention was obviously elsewhere.

I wanted to ask him for a saddle, but there was no time. Not to mention I would have cemented myself as a complete and utter wuss in front of everyone. Instead, I just gave him a stiff nod. Without another word, Jacob phased again, right in front of me, with such force and determination that he ended up shredding his jeans into dozens of denim scraps. Something, I couldn't tell if it was an arm or what, caught in my peripheral vision, missing my face by mere inches. Then the brown eyes of the russet wolf looked at me solemnly, and its head ever-so-slightly raised, then lowered. A go-ahead nod in return.

I grabbed the scruff at Jacob's neck and positioned my foot at the back of his forepaw, then mounted him, swinging my leg around his back. Terrified that I was going to fall off even before we started moving, I leaned forward, wrapping my arms around his neck, hands tightly gripping some fur at the base. Because my legs covered only a small fraction of the circumference of Jacob's massive trunk, I dug my heels into his side as hard as I could. I squeezed my inner thighs with the ferocity that I would imagine was required for riding a mechanical bull. A broken, out-of-control mechanical bull.

When the pack took off in a slow gallop, Jacob and I bringing up the rear, I was pleasantly surprised. He moved with a smoothness and grace; it made me feel as though I were in complete control. As awkward and uncoordinated as I usually was, especially positioned on a moving object, right now I marveled at my seemingly natural sense of balance. I loosened my grip with my arms and brought myself up to a more erect sitting position, relaxing.

Within seconds my legs were sweating, as the heat from Jacob's fur radiated outward, and the flannel material of my pants did nothing to insulate it. I wanted nothing more than to rip them off, but quickly deemed the action entirely too inappropriate for the circumstances. _Oh, come on, who are you kidding, Bella? You were messing around with Jacob before Emmett's body was even cold, figuratively speaking_, my inner monologue scolded, shaming me. I shuddered in embarrassment.

We moved along briskly yet stealthily, heading deeper into the dark forest. There was little sound, except for the wildlife and the occasional wolf-induced leaf rustling or twig snapping. I wasn't complaining. Everyone else was likely having their own conversation, but I found that I didn't mind being incommunicado. It let me mentally prepare myself for what we were about to face. For _who _we were about to face.

I wondered how long it would take for us to find them, if we would find them. Surely they had to know after leaving Leah's body the way it was that there were no more "boundary lines"- the pack was going to look for them anywhere. There was no more treaty. There were no more rules. All was fair in love and war. How long would the Cullens' be able to stay away? Or were they merely just planning to launch a counterattack of their own? Could they be the ones ultimately sneaking up on us?

Apparently not. Just then, something happened. I didn't see it firsthand; could only surmise it from the events that quickly followed. Sam, who was leading the pack, must have taken off, abandoning his careful exploration. Immediately, the other wolves one by one followed suit, dashing behind him, accelerating to full speed. I couldn't see Sam ahead, the blackness of his fur in combination with the dim light of the forest didn't allow it, but I caught glimpses of other multi-colored, blurred fur moving in front of me. And then, before I could even comprehend what was happening, Jacob was running, too.

Though his stride was as smooth and rhythmic as ever, I could not believe how fast he was moving. There wasn't much to see moving by me in the darkness, so I had no perspective visually, but I could just _feel_ it. And hear it. The wind viciously whipped through my hair, hitting my face so hard that I was convinced it would leave nasty red marks. I knew that we had long since surpassed speeds that I had ever reached on a motorcycle. Terrified, I closed my eyes and quickly resumed my earlier position of clinging to Jacob for dear life. We raced through the woods at lightning speed. I kept my eyes closed and prayed for us to slow down soon.

Time passed- how long, I had no idea. Then all of a sudden, an abrupt halting sensation, then calmness. No wind, no movement. We were there.

I gradually opened my eyes. I could not ascertain very much from my surroundings, but we were in an open field of some sort, slightly more illuminated than the surrounding forest by the moon above. Every last one of the remaining Cullens was standing not ten feet before us, eerily still, utterly expressionless. Edward was in front, flanked by the rest of his family- Carlisle was clearly letting him take the reins on this one; it was his fight. And sometime during when my eyes were closed, Jacob had managed to maneuver to the head of the pack. There was no one standing in between Edward, Jacob, and myself.

Though I couldn't hear the pack conversation, my hope was that since I was front and center, they were holding off on an official attack until they heard the Cullens out. Or at least, until I got out of the way. Not to mention, I had a feeling Jasper was working his mood control powers to the utmost of his ability. But who knew. I just knew I still had to do something. And fast. _Third wife._ I needed to do everything I could to talk them out of a fight before one actually broke out.

Edward broke the silence. "Good evening, Bella," he said smoothly. Something seemed _off_ in the way that he was addressing me. My suspicion was quickly confirmed when he added, "I can see that you had a lovely ride on our young werewolf Jacob here." His voice was dripping with innuendo, and his usually calm eyes were daggers, piercing right into me. "I hope it was worth it." He looked at Jacob, then spat on the ground. "You mongrel- she's my _wife_." His voice inflected upward on the last few syllables, breaking free of their usual velvety smoothness, revealing his anguish.

Immediately, I was taken aback- I had never seen Edward act like this before- he was usually so controlled. And yet some small measure of me felt- well, I'll admit it, relieved, and maybe even a little smug. Could it be? It had to be. He was _jealous_, and more than that, he was actually _showing _it, practically admitting it. How come he had never done that before? Had he expressed himself this way long ago, things might have been a lot different. In hindsight, I don't think I would have pressed nearly as many of his buttons with Jacob had I known that pressing them actually accomplished something.

It didn't take long for my feelings of awfulness and shame to resurface. Edward was my husband, standing before me, and I had literally just hours ago been screwing around with Jacob, ready to sleep with him again. What was wrong with me? Now Edward was finally giving me everything I want. Despite my being a horrible and unfaithful wife, Edward still cared for me, still loved me more than anything. And for some bizarre reason, in that moment, anger and jealousy were the perfect way for him to emote it. I had already seen the love. But this was new; unexpected. My heart went out to him. I felt Jacob's fur tense beneath me, and I gave him a reassuring pat, indicating that I would handle this. I quickly dismounted Jacob, standing to the side of him and moving up a few steps, and spoke.

"Edward, I thought this was the best way to find you," I replied weakly. Voice still shaky, I continued: "What in the world happened?"

"You weren't looking for me in Jacob's bedroom this afternoon," he quickly snapped. Then, the old, polished, always-in-control Edward slowly washed over this new, ultra-emotional Edward. He sighed and put his head down for what felt like several minutes, trying to gather his thoughts, apparently. But when he looked up I could see that a typical stoic expression had returned to his face.

I tried Alice, who was standing to his immediate right. "Alice?" I pleaded. Thinking of her vision made me angry. How else could the vampires have known that Leah was vulnerable? I still didn't quite understand how Alice could have seen her, but she _had_ to have been involved. "Alice?" I said louder, more pressingly.

Edward had to have known what I was thinking- he answered my unspoken questions. "Bella, please don't blame Alice. She had a vision of Emily, screaming and crying at the Clearwater's house. I read it from her mind, and deduced that Leah was in all likelihood involved. I told Rosalie, knowing that it would set her off, that she would act, attack for the sake of Emmett's death."

His words did nothing to clarify things; rather, they only prompted a dozen more questions. "Huh?" was all I could manage for a moment. Then I figured I had better elaborate. "But-" I took a sharp inhale; preparing for the barrage of inquiries I was about to fire off at him, "why would Rosalie attack Leah when she isn't Paul's mate? And how could she kill her mid-phase like that? And what was Emily so upset about to begin with? And how could the rest of you guys let her do this?" I looked straight at Carlisle for that one. And back at Edward. "And how could you have given her that idea at all? Why let someone else die?"

The pack, Jacob included, was absolutely still. They were waiting, it seemed. For me, for us, to see how the conversation developed, what would transpire. Silence. Until Edward spoke again.

"Yes, Bella, it's true that vampires typically kill mate for mate. But remember, it is werewolves who are our enemies; werewolves who murdered Emmett, caused him to die. Yes, in theory Rosalie could have been after Rachel, but she wanted revenge; a werewolf is just as good of a target. Physically, she would more likely have the advantage over a female werewolf, so when I told her of Alice's vision, and I planted the seed of Leah in her mind, she took it." He cast a sidelong glance at Rosalie, who shrugged.

"And I can answer your second question," Rosalie said, in the false syrupy-sweet tone that I hated. "I attacked Leah mid-phase because she looked at her absolute ugliest that way. That was how I wanted her remembered- for the revolting bitch that she was." I grimaced, thinking of Leah's dead body on the forest floor. _Mission accomplished_- she really did look monstrous. Yet I was also thinking about who the revolting bitch _really_ was. Nah, that wasn't true. As ugly as Rosalie could be on the inside, she was still drop-dead gorgeous.

Edward interrupted my thoughts. "Though I'm not sure, I'm guessing Emily must have been upset at Leah because of Sam. I didn't see the specifics in Alice's vision, only saw that Emily was really distraught. But based on the fact that they were at the Clearwaters', and that Alice didn't see anyone else, she most likely would have been with Seth or Leah. And who is the more likely one to have Emily so upset? Leah."

Carlisle spoke up from nearby. "And Bella, I think that Edward is the best one to explain to you our motivations for letting this go on, our reason for deciding to switch to the offensive," he gave Edward a fleeting look before returning his eyes to me.

Edward cleared his throat, spoke again. "Yes. You could argue that there were many reasons. Of course, I loved Emmett and sought vengeance for his death. I was distraught that you slept with Jacob," - I bristled- "and wanted to get back at him, at the wolves, for his and your transgression. But mostly," Edward looked about as his said this, "I was, _we_ were, waiting for this to happen." He gestured to our surroundings.

"Waiting for _what_ to happen exactly?" I inquired. What in the hell was he talking about?

"_This_, Bella," he said. "A standoff. I wanted Jacob to seek out my death; for him to bring the pack here, for us all to be present. We have some very important business that we need to discuss."

The pack stayed silent. They were willing to hear him out, I supposed. I simply looked at him, waiting.

Edward took a breath. "After what happened to Emmett, I was certain that our two families would no longer be able to coexist here," he began. "I simply couldn't envision our family continuing to abide by the treaty after Emmett was so viciously attacked. Besides Carlisle, who has an inordinate amount of patience and forgiveness," he glanced ruefully at him for a moment, "I knew that the rest of us wouldn't be able to restrain ourselves over the long-term. Emmett's death marked the end of someone's tenure in Forks." He paused, then added, "But whose?" He addressed the group as though he were the narrator of a popular whodunit. His mouth turned up just slightly at one corner.

No response. We were all still just waiting.

"Furthermore, I knew that the core of the problem, the root, was not with Emmett or Paul, but with us. The three of us. You, Jacob, and myself. I love you, and want to spend the rest of eternity with you, whether you decide you want to be changed or not. Yet I would have to be a fool not to realize that your hand is what Jacob is seeking, as well. And though you've swayed back and forth, been unable to decide, I'm going to have to ask that you make your decision. Now. Or let the decision be made for you. Because one of our families is leaving town, today. For good."

"_What?_ How would the decision be made for me?" I couldn't help blurting out. As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I wish I hadn't said them. I was absolutely positive that I didn't want to know. Part of me had an inkling of what Edward might propose, but I quickly squelched it. I couldn't even allow that to be a possibility.

It is simply the only way that we can go back to being at peace, Bella," Edward said soothingly. "The score has been evened; this is the tiebreaker." What he said only reaffirmed my worst possible fear. And what he _wasn't_ saying was absolutely killing me.

"But, But, Edward, _NO_," I pleaded. "Please, consider something else. _I_ can leave! I don't have to be here. You guys," – I gestured to the vampires and werewolves surrounding me – "were fine on your own until I came into town. Noth-Nothing has to happen," I stammered desperately. No. This couldn't be. He couldn't say it. He couldn't do it. Yet he was going to anyway.

"Bella, I can't let our families get more entrenched in this than they already are. As much as I want to protect you, I have to protect them, too," he explained sorrowfully. "This has to end. I don't want anyone else to get hurt, especially you. It has to be him or me." He looked directly at Jacob.

I followed Edward's stare. Jacob, who had been standing to my side and behind me a bit, had phased, and I hadn't even noticed. Since he had obliterated his jeans in his last shapeshift, he was just standing there in human form, buck naked. _Nothing you haven't seen before, Bella_. Still, for how, uh, _impressive_ he was, it served as only a temporary distraction. The words that came out of his mouth next were far more impactful.

"I'm game. To the death?" was all he said.

Edward nodded. "Of course."


	14. Fire and Ice, Again

Fire and Ice, Again

Surreal. That was really the only word to describe our current predicament. Jacob standing stark naked. He and Edward talking about the possibility of their respective impending deaths as calmly as if they were discussing the news. I think their blasé demeanor made it more difficult for the reality of the situation to set in. Hence, why I had let the conversation continue for several minutes without intervening.

It wasn't until Jacob and Edward fell into an ominous silence, the wolfpack and Cullens' began to retreat a bit to their separate corners, and Jacob stepped back in preparation to phase that the reality finally hit me, and when it did, it was like a ton of bricks. _They are really going to fight to the death_. I knew I had to do something. Like now.

Before I could, Jacob turned to me, realizing he had something to say before phasing into his wolfy state stopped all conversation between us. "Goodbye, Bella," he said solemnly. "Whether it's goodbye for now or goodbye forever, I'm not sure. But I do know that I'm sorry that I put you in this position. I should never have let you kiss- I mean, I should never have been so excited- I mean," he paused, looking for the right words. After a few moments, it was clear that he wasn't going to be able to find a good way to spit it out, not in front of Edward. So he let the sentence drop. "Anyway," he raised his voice slightly, "I- I- love you. So, so much. More than anything." He looked at me intensely with his black eyes, grabbing my hand with both of his.

It was all too weird. I knew that Jacob was being heartfelt; trying to express himself fully in an intimate moment, that, for all we both knew, could be one of his last. Yet, a part of me just couldn't take him seriously. I mean, he was _naked_, for crying out loud. How could I possibly?

I needed to shove this discomfort aside- it didn't matter, in the grand scheme of things. What mattered was that Jacob stay alive. I needed to talk him out of this. I forced all of my embarrassment back, and gulped, mentally preparing myself for a moment. Then I let loose. "Wait, Jacob!" I begged. "Please! There could be a new treaty drawn up. One that keeps you and the Cullens' even further apart- a 'no entry' neutral zone in the middle." I was grasping at straws, but I didn't care.

Jacob was looking at me, almost amused, clearly not convinced that any ideas I had would work. I dug deeper. "Or just….let me leave, please!" It killed me to say what I was about to say, but I just had to. I looked at Edward, taking him in, and then back at Jacob. I hesitated. "I….I promise I'll…..never interfere with either of your lives again. I can move to Jacksonville to live with my Mom. And stay away. For a long time. Just….please….don't hurt each other! I won't be able to live if I saw either of you die!" I shoved Jacob away as I backed off a step, trembling uncontrollably.

I noticed both Edward and Jacob's expression shift slightly after my last words. I had been speaking figuratively, but their change in demeanor gave me an idea. It wasn't as though they enjoyed seeing me upset to begin with, but I could now clearly see in their eyes a fear of losing me, not to Jacksonville, but to my own mortality. It was then that I realized just what exactly I needed to say to keep them from fighting. Why hadn't I thought of this before?

"I'll kill myself!" I burst out. "I swear to God, if I have to see either one of you die, I'll kill myself! I mean it!" I screamed the words with such intensity that I knew that everyone had to be thoroughly convinced that they were the truth.

But _were_ they the truth? I had never really thought about killing myself before. Even at the lowest point in my life, when Edward had left, I still managed to wake up every day, inhale, exhale. Even when I didn't do much else, didn't _want_ to do much else, I still accomplished basic life processes. Of course, I had already decided in the recent past to end my life; but that was only for immortality, and to be with Edward for eternity. Could I really stop my own heart, without receiving any of what I wanted in return?

Both Edward and Jacob looked stunned. But Jacob reacted first. He stepped towards me, taking my hand in his again. He spoke in a calm and amazingly mature tone. One would have thought that his age was eighty, not eighteen. At that instant, he sounded just like Billy. "Bella," he said serenely. "Everything Edward said a minute ago is true. He's right. We can't coexist here anymore. Too much damage has been done, and we can't undo it." He started running his hand through my hair, then pressed it to my cheek, where once again fearful tears had started to collect. He wiped them away. "Sssshhhhhh, it's okay," he whispered. "It's all right. Bella, no matter what happens, everything will be just perfect tonight. If I win, than the pack gets to stay, and we won't ever have to deal with them,"- he looked up and gave the Cullens' a murderous glance- "again. They'll be gone, and our tribe will be at peace here forever. And if I lose, than my family will relocate, find someplace where there are no cold ones, and start a new life. And I…." Jacob faltered, looking down.

He kept his head down for a minute, and when he looked back up, I could see that tears had formed at the corners of his eyes. He continued. "…I can die knowing that the last two days of my life," he beamed at me, "were by far the happiest. Spent with the girl of my dreams, who I love with all of my beating heart, with me, in my bed." His eyes flickered with pleasure for a second, but then took on a much more measured expression. "So," he added casually, "it's really a win-win. And there is really no reason for you to do anything drastic. No matter how things turn out." He looked me straight in the eye.

_Damnit._ He was going to call my bluff. He was obviously not convinced that I was going to follow through with my threat to inflict harm upon myself. And he was not-so-subtly clueing me in on this. _Fuck_. What was I supposed to do now? I felt as though I had bargained my last chip. I was out of ideas. My expression must have communicated this very clearly to Jake. Occasionally how well Jacob seemed to know me really pissed me off.

"Believe it or not, I wholeheartedly agree with you, Jacob," Edward spoke softly. "I don't feel as though I have anything to lose, either. If Bella were to decide that she wanted to be with you, I would let her go, but I would end my life anyway. At least this way I have a chance of not only eliminating my competition," -Edward returned a pretty sinister look of his own to Jacob- , "but also of restoring peace and tranquility to our entire family." He glanced at the wolfpack. After a second, he looked back and added, "It's undoubtedly worth the risk."

I was in shock. "But….But…." I stammered, trying to come up with a logical counterargument, and failing miserably. Finally, I just tried to pull at their heartstrings. It wasn't practical at all- but it was all I had left. "Please….I just want you both alive. Don't you want to make me happy? Don't you love me?" I squeaked out. I was speaking to both of them. Desperately, I might add.

This time, Edward responded first. Before I knew it, he was two inches away from me, kissing my hand- the _opposite_ hand, I noted, that Jacob had taken into his. "Of course, you silly girl," Edward breathed in his soft velvet voice, "I believe I speak for Jacob as well when I say more than life itself. But both of us are willing to give you one hundred percent of our heart, beating or not. Is it really too much to ask for yours in exchange? Given that Jacob and I are mortal enemies, and that we both want you, all of you, to ourselves, don't you feel that it is a lot for you to expect that we coexist merely so that you could love both of us?"

My heart sank. Of course Edward was right. I was being selfish, and I knew it- yet I kept doing it anyway. I didn't deserve to love both of them. Hell, I didn't deserve to love either one of them. I looked down, avoiding eye contact as more tears trickled down my face. Finally, I nodded. "Yes," I whispered. "It is a lot to expect."

I didn't say anything else. I didn't have to. Those words were my concession. I had no other choice. I couldn't decide between Edward and Jacob- it was impossible. So I was somehow going to have to let them decide for themselves. I wanted them both- but that wasn't fair. So this was how it had to be. I didn't want to accept it, but what else could I do? I couldn't kill myself- because then I couldn't ever have either one of them. That was something that I just couldn't imagine.

I felt Edward's icy fingers on my chin, pulling my head up. "I love you, Bella," he whispered softly. "And I'll love you for the rest of eternity, whether either of us are alive or not. Remember that." He kissed me softly on the lips. "I hope that this isn't goodbye." With that, he retreated and faced Jacob.

I took a cursory glance at Jacob, who breathed a quick, "Me, too." An instant later, I felt Jacob's scorching lips on mine for a split second. But I didn't even get to feel the warmth of his body before he was several feet away and facing Edward again. Clearly, he wanted to kiss me but didn't want the stolen kiss to be the last thing that he ever experienced.

I burst into tears. And for once, for perhaps the first time ever, neither Edward nor Jacob diverted their attention away from each other long enough to console me. I'm not sure either one of them even cast a glance in my general direction. Despite the fact that they were partially fighting each other for me, I never felt so alone.

Edward and Jacob were still several feet apart, circling each other warily like two boxers that had just stepped into the ring. Still crying, I closed my eyes and wiped at my tears. I just couldn't watch.

* * *

The next few seconds felt infinite. It was difficult to comprehend the extent of the events that happened in such a short amount of time.

I heard scuffling, hisses, growling. The swishing of grass, thuds on the forest floor. For a few seconds, I didn't hear anything that would indicate to me who was winning or what had happened. But then, I heard it, ever so faintly. A whimper. _Jacob_. My eyes shot open.

Jacob's wolf form was on the ground, crouched in the fetal position. He was clearly bleeding profusely from the side. Edward was standing over him, arm raised, almost like he was going to bring it down on him hard and crush Jacob's skull with his bare hands.

I completely disregarded my earlier thought process. Seeing Jacob lying there, helpless, made me realize that there was no way that I could just sit back and let him die. This situation was just too fucked up. I had to do something. _Third wife. _

My first instinct was to grab something sharp and slice it across my wrist, or my neck, distracting them for a few precious seconds. But I fought it. I was worried it wouldn't work- Edward and Jacob were both so tunnel-visioned at the moment; would they even notice? And if they didn't- would I die? The thought was just too morbid. If I was going to die, I needed to make sure I went out on a better note than that.

I needed to decide quickly- Edward looked like he was about to strike. Another idea occurred to me, and I quickly realized that I didn't have another choice. I took a deep breath, and then dove between them.


	15. Killer, Again

Killer, again

It all happened so fast that I could barely comprehend it.

I was pleasantly surprised at my leaping ability; I was able to cover several feet in what felt like forever but in actuality was less than a second. However, I was not so pleased with my accuracy or sense of direction- my dive wasn't exactly at the right angle. Instead of ending up between Jacob and Edward, like I had intended, I landed, hard, smack on top of Jacob's wolf-body.

I involuntarily gasped, terrified that I had hurt him further, but quickly realized that my just over one-hundred pound human frame would barely register as a blip on the radar of Jacob the werewolf's massive trunk. And that wasn't even factoring in his magical wolf-healing abilities. When I breathed in, the smell of Jacob's blood overwhelmed my senses- I had to fight not to instantly faint. I was grateful in that second that I was already sprawled out across Jacob's somewhat limp body, so if I did lose consciousness I didn't really have far to fall. I rapidly debated as to whether I should try to contain his bleeding, tie something around his wound- hell, I could use my shirt; it was already practically in shreds. However, it didn't take me long to decide that Edward standing above us still posed a much greater threat for causing life-threatening harm than the wound to Jacob's side. Not to mention, I didn't trust that I wouldn't pass out, after which I would be of no use to anyone. After a second I could feel Jacob's slow, rhythmic breath beneath me- his respiration seemed at least somewhat normal. _Whew_. It didn't appear that I was making him suffer any more than he already had.

The instant that I was able to draw the conclusion that Jacob was still alive, and at least as all right as I could reasonably expect after landing on him, I looked up and focused my attention on Edward. It was odd- at least five seconds or so had elapsed since I had thrown myself into the mix, yet he was still poised to strike, frozen in the exact same position he had been, standing perfectly still. Something was wrong. Maybe he had finally come to his senses and realized how pointless and brutal it was to end things this way. Careful not to push any additional weight on a part of Jacob that might already be hurt, I scrambled to my feet.

I was now less than a foot away from Edward, and finally saw what Edward was feeling through the emotions plain on his face. The expression in his eyes was so tortured that I felt the compulsion to reach out and comfort him, hug him, yet he also looked amazed, awed. For a second, I felt completely confused at what I had seen; was he really that regretful at hurting Jacob? Surely not. But when Edward's eyes bulged again in surprise, I had an idea of what he might be thinking, and when I took a fraction of a second to look around, my hunch was instantly confirmed.

_Alice_. She was standing just next to him, and her horrified expression was one of shock, yet also one of knowing. _She saw me jump into the middle_. I knew immediately that I was right. And my second conclusion struck me with an even greater certainty than the first. _Edward read her vision. That's why he isn't doing anything._

I didn't have time to dwell on this point, though. Before I could even comprehend what was happening, I was being thrown clear, out of the way, towards the wolf pack. Had Edward pushed me aside before going in for the kill? It happened so quickly, and I had been looking at Alice; I couldn't really tell. But the next thing I knew, I was flying through the air, terrified of where I would end up. I closed my eyes and braced myself for the worst.

However, I didn't receive the painful crash landing that I was expecting- just the soft thud of falling into something welcoming. It was warm, furry. I turned around and saw blackness. Blackness, that is, with the exception of the white in Sam Uley's wolf-eyes. I had landed on his stomach; he was lying on his back, sprawled out. It did not look like a very comfortable position for a werewolf to be in- but I was grateful for it. As his paws enveloped me, he gave me a look that simply said, "I've got you. It's okay."

I turned around and darted my eyes back and forth, trying to find Jacob's crumpled body on the forest floor; Edward positioned over him. I didn't see it; started to panic. Where were they? It didn't take me long to find out- I had been looking in the wrong place. Jacob wasn't on the ground at all. In fact, he was in full-on attack mode. He had taken Edward completely by surprise- and as a result now had the advantage.

Jacob was the one who had pushed me out of the way. To get to Edward.

After I intervened, Jacob and I must have figured things out just about simultaneously- that Edward had to have seen me jump in beforehand from Alice's vision. There was simply no other feasible explanation as to why Edward would hesitate to take action. But what Jacob also knew was that Alice _wouldn't_ see, and thus Edward _wouldn't_ know- his reaction to the situation. Jacob knew that he could attack while Edward was still vulnerable, while I was in the middle. He had been playing possum.

_Jacob used the fact that Edward would never hurt me_. I should have known he would pull something like that- it was just like him. And yet for a split second, I still hated him for it.

But it wasn't long before I turned that hatred onto myself. How could I possibly do this to them? It was my fault; Edward and Jacob were both right. It was foolish, _unnatural_, for me to try to be close with both of them. It was glaringly obvious that they would never be anything but bitter enemies. But because of my selfishness and sheer stupidity, they were forced to interact one too many times. And now one of them was going to suffer dearly for it. The thought was killing me.

I didn't attempt to focus on the indistinct figures of Edward and Jacob in heated battle. Their appendages were whizzing through the air as they fought, almost as though they belonged to cartoon characters, spreading dust and debris like the Roadrunner and Wile E. Coyote. Even if I had tried to differentiate anything, I don't think I would have been successful- so I didn't bother. I sighed. I did what I could, but in the end here they were anyway. Supernatural macho men unable to listen to reason. My little attempt at heroics accomplished absolutely nothing. _So much for the third wife._

But as I caught a few more glimpses in their direction, I realized that I was wrong. Dead wrong. My actions did do something. In the fuzziness I could see that the russet red-brown blur was now clearly dominating the ivory white blur; Jacob was pushing Edward backward towards the rest of the Cullens. I was standing a few feet away, but I couldn't even smell blood anymore. I wondered if Jacob's wound was completely healed. Jacob now had a second chance- I had given it to him. I was still debating as to whether or not it was a gift that he deserved.

Jacob had Edward on the ground now, pinning Edward's limbs down with his paws, and Edward appeared to have expended too much energy already to do a lot about it. Once again, I didn't want to watch. My eyes strayed nearby, looking up slightly until I met Carlisle's gaze.

I had been wondering exactly how the Cullens' could just stand back and let Edward fight to his death, without interfering or putting themselves in harm's way for him. Hell, I was a mortal human and I had already risked more than they had. But when I looked into Carlisle's eyes, I saw nothing but concern and compassion. And I realized just then that Carlisle was distraught over Edward's fate, but that he was also thinking of more than just Edward. He would be devastated to lose his son, of course, but if the sacrifice prevented harm from being inflicted on the rest of his family, he would endure it. I could see the pain in Carlisle's expression and realized that much of it was for Edward, but a part of it was for Emmett, too. I became completely convinced at that second that no matter the outcome of this fight, after tonight there would be no more fighting. The loser would leave. Period. Because no one wanted to see anyone else get hurt. This battle would determine who stayed and who went. And it was hard enough as it was.

I began to accept the circumstances, if for no other reason because I came to the realization that they were pretty much out of my control. I did all I could- desperate third wife attempt and all. Did it make a difference? Maybe my actions might affect the end result, but they certainly didn't affect the process. Jacob and Edward were still fighting, whether I liked it or not, and at this point I truly believed that there wasn't a thing I could do to change their minds.

But a teeny part of my brain had to acknowledge that it could be worse. As devastating as it would be to lose either Edward or Jacob, I had to admit that it was at least better than losing them both. That was why I could never follow through on the threat to harm myself if they fought. And why I was forced to resign myself to the fact that they were going to keep fighting and that one of them was going to die. I shuddered, but vowed not to interfere again- because there was a circumstance where I could envision killing myself. If they both died. I don't think I could take it.

I tried to imagine a world without either one of them. Where I didn't have the warmth of Jacob to comfort me on a cold rainy night, where I couldn't lean against Edward to immediately feel relief from the sweltering summer heat. I tried to envision a universe without the mystical nature that created these beautiful beings to watch over my clumsy and awkward self. I tried to picture everything slowing down to human speed, never again taking a piggyback ride that felt like flying on a Lear jet. I tried to visualize how my life could possibly be filled, how I could decide life was even worth living, without these amazing creatures fighting before me that consumed it.

At that moment, a scream so shrill pierced my thoughts and ears that I stopped cold. The sound waves literally shook my entire body, producing vibrations strong enough to make me tremble in response, but also in fear. I was now looking at Carlisle's shoes- and terrified to let my eyes wander elsewhere.

Turns out, I didn't have to wait very long to know what happened. The scream again. This time, of a name.

"EDWARD!" Alice shrieked. Reflexively, I glanced towards where he had been pinned to the ground to my left. I shouldn't have.

Edward was still there, motionless. He wasn't bleeding in the traditional sense, but he had a gash in his chest that was so deep that he was practically sawed in half- or he may completely have been, I couldn't tell. But that wasn't what Alice was screaming about. Her scream, just like her vision, was premature.

Still pinning Edward with a powerful leg, Jacob reached down and appeared to paw something out of some loose soil. A rock? A stick? Though the moon was shining, it was still too dark to see clearly. But a couple of seconds later, it got a whole lot fucking brighter.

Jacob had fire in his hands. I supposed that when you had the body temperature he did it wasn't all that hard to combust a little piece of wood or whatever it was grasped in his paw. He blew on it, causing the little fireball to erupt. And without another word, he threw it on Edward, whose exposed venom caught ablaze instantaneously.

Before I could say anything, do anything, or even fully realize how much I had lost, Edward lay dead on the forest floor.

* * *

A/N: Sorry, Edward fans...


	16. The Funeral, Again

The Funeral, Again

I didn't really sleep that night. But I ran.

As soon as I saw Edward, I turned around and took off into a full sprint. I ran, not knowing where I was going, not _caring_ where I was going. I just needed to get the hell out of there.

But at that moment I still didn't_ really_ realize that Edward was gone. I just ran.

Somehow the adrenaline combined with the single bite of pizza that I had consumed in the last eighteen or so hours was enough to provide me with the energy I needed to keep my legs churning, my arms pumping. Somehow, the carbohydrates from the pizza crust absorbed through my trachea into my bloodstream to fuel me, energize me, even perhaps make me more coordinated than I would ever have thought possible. I didn't even fall down, which was a minor miracle considering that I wasn't looking at the rough forest ground the whole time I ran. I just couldn't glance in that direction. There were just too many things that I saw down there in the last few hours that I didn't care to see.

I ran, through the pitch black forest, all alone. For a second, a disturbing thought tried to creep into my mind, reminding me of the fight that Edward and I had two nights ago, of me hiking out of the dark forest by myself. _Before any of this shit happened_. But I shoved it out and kept running.

I had never really made up my mind on how I felt about the existence of God. But in hindsight, a part of me felt that he had to have been watching over me that night as I ran, keeping me out of trouble- because nothing else happened. As powerful as the negative endorphins were, they didn't sustain me, and eventually my slim but nonmuscular and out-of-shape body conceded that I wasn't going to physically be able to keep running. So at some point, after what felt like hours later, I slowed to a walk. But by the time that happened, I was nearly at the Blacks' little house and my Guardian (angel) was waiting for me. I didn't fall and bruise myself, lose my way, or have any scares.

Then again, maybe God was just feeling guilty and trying to make up for the fact that he royally fucked me in the ass. My heart and soul were not bruised, they were broken. I may not have been lost directionally, but I was still lost. I might not have been scared physically, but emotionally I was more terrified than I had ever been in my entire life.

_It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all_. As bittersweet as the old saying went, I wasn't convinced that it was true. But even when I arrived at the Guardian and the angry and overwhelmed tears started falling, I still didn't_ really_ realize that Edward was gone.

I guess it didn't truly hit me until I was lying in bed that night. I managed to drive straight home, and Charlie was already asleep even though it was still pretty early, so I was fortunate in that I didn't have to have what was sure to be a hellacious conversation with him. I mechanically walked through the front door, up the stairs, down the hallway, and into my bedroom, almost as if it were like any other night. After I quietly closed the door, I plopped down on my ratty comforter and stared at the ceiling.

When the stark realization finally sunk in, I didn't exactly cry. I would consider crying an at least somewhat controlled rhythmic outburst of tears, of sound, of feeling. What I experienced didn't exactly fall under any of those categories. It certainly wasn't controlled. There was no sound- I couldn't exactly coordinate my vocal cords with the labored and sporadic hyperventilating. There were no tears- I was incredibly dehydrated from my run, and from all of the crying I had done in the last two days. There was physiologically nothing left to drain from my eyes. If anything, this made it worse- because I didn't feel the same release that I would have felt after shedding tears and bawling out loud. There wasn't even that much feeling- my life was now devoid of it. My world was now empty, lifeless.

After a couple of minutes, I felt that familiar lightheaded sensation; my world took on a hazy and unfocused aura. My hyperventilating did me in- I passed out cold. Luckily, I was already lying down, I didn't injure myself any further by cracking my head open. My brains were scrambled enough as it was.

Twenty minutes of unconsciousness doesn't really count as sleep, does it?

The rest of the night, I lay there staring upwards, numb. No more crying, no more feeling, no more thinking, no more anything. I wasn't waiting impatiently. There was nothing to do. There was nothing, period.

Several hours later, I lay motionless in bed, still just looking at the ceiling. Suddenly, the phone started ringing shrilly. I couldn't be bothered to answer. The high-pitched sounds emanating from it didn't irritate me in the slightest. However, it must have been me, because a few moments later the phone silenced as Charlie picked up the other receiver.

I didn't hear a word of what was spoken over the line, but a few minutes later I heard rustling as Charlie got up and began to move around in preparation for the day. Was he going to work? I wondered. It was about 8 a.m. on Sunday morning- fishing with his buddies? Early gathering for a football game? It didn't matter; I didn't care. He was going to leave me in my misery. I was going to lie here all day and do nothing.

Apparently that was not what Charlie had in mind. A few seconds later I heard a knock at the door. _Oh God_, here it was. I was going to have to face him. Amazingly enough, I felt confident that I wasn't going to break down in hysterical sobs. I was so numb on the inside that I could go though just about anything unaffected. Nothing mattered anymore.

Charlie entered my room without waiting for my response. Immediately he could tell from the look on my face that I knew what it was that he wanted to tell me before he said it.

"So you heard," he whispered. He looked terrified. As well he should be. He didn't need to be scared that I was going to hurt myself, but I'm sure I had a very similar expression after Edward left me the first time. I was practically catatonic for months. It was almost the exact same circumstance- except, this time I knew that he wasn't coming back. I couldn't decide if that made my situation better or worse.

I nodded. Nothing to say. Nothing to feel. Nothingness.

Charlie cleared his throat. It appeared that he wasn't finished. "Uh- that was Alice on the phone," he said softly. That got my attention. Not really trusting my voice to come out evenly, if at all, I looked at him quizzically instead.

"Er- the Cullens' are leaving town, Bella," he said. He inhaled sharply. "They- just can't stand to be here anymore….after everything….that's happened…..," his voice trailed off.

This was no news. But what he said next sure was. "They're leaving town this afternoon. This morning they're holding- a double funeral on their property," his voice cracked. "Alice would love for us to be there. She invited us over to their house on behalf of the rest of her family. And she wanted to personally invite you. She really wants to talk to you before she goes."

I was skeptical. Did she? I wondered if she had an ulterior motive, if this was a trick. Was she trying to get me alone to send me a message? Torment and kill me? I realized that it didn't matter. I needed to go. I would have to put myself through the torture. I was somehow responsible for the deaths of two of her brothers. She and I were close not long ago, but surely she must hate me now after all that has happened. I would hate me. I owed it to her. "Okay," I whispered. That was that.

* * *

As Charlie drove up to the Cullens' property in the Guardian, I glanced out the window in the hopes that I would prepare myself a little better for what we were about to face. I had (obviously) never been to a vampire funeral before. Taking in what I saw, it was….not what I expected. No one was wearing black. There was no casket. I didn't want to even begin to speculate on where Edward's…..remains…..were. Just the thought made me shudder.

No one from school was there. I was surprised, though I shouldn't have been, I guess. When I first spotted the Cullens' in the cafeteria, I was instantly enamored with their outward perfection, envious. Had I the opportunity at that moment to catch a glimpse into their private lives, even upsetting moments of their private lives, I would have taken it in a second. As it was, it was probably more logistical than personal that no one from Forks was there. It was still summer vacation. Over half of the story happened last night. No one would have heard about it. If they did, it would only have been because the Cullens' had specifically wanted them to.

But there were scads of people there….or, actually, they were all….vampires. For a second, I wondered with Charlie at my side if that was Alice's true motivation. Were they going to kill him? I didn't care about my own stupid life, but I simply couldn't accept Charlie having the same fate. I had to take action. I quickly tried to hatch a plan, figuring I would cut Charlie off at the gate, before we put his life into any more danger than it already was.

"Charlie, I need to talk to Alice alone," I hedged, suddenly very anxious.

"Of course, Bella," he replied, obviously not taking my hint, pulling the car further into the Cullen driveway.

"I mean," I began, "I think that you should drop me off," I clarified. I gestured back the way that we came. "Let me speak with Alice before we decide to stay." I knew that the vampires could run faster than he could drive; still, I was hoping that the further away he was, the less he would tempt fate.

"But-" Charlie interjected, obviously befuddled. "I'd really like to pay my respects. I mean, I drove us all the way out here…"

"I know," I cut him off gently. "But, um, Alice and I were talking, uh….before," I stammered, "and she told me that she was having some….girl problems. Really awful ones. She needs to talk to me alone." This was all a complete and utter lie. I would have no idea how to elaborate on what I just said if Charlie asked. I was banking on the fact that Charlie would be so freaked out that he wouldn't know how to respond.

_Ding, ding, ding!_ I hit the nail on the head. Charlie looked skeptical, but was clearly going to give me the benefit of the doubt; he had no interest at all in finding out what I meant. He put the Guardian in park and quickly glanced around the yard where everyone was gathered, noting how few faces he recognized, and none nearly as much as Alice; he wouldn't be comfortable speaking to anyone else without me. He nodded in resignation. "Okay," he finally said. "I'll leave you two girls alone," he cringed slightly, as if our impending conversation was weighing heavily on his mind. "But I'm going to circle the block and be back in five minutes, after which I am going to get out and say hello and tell everyone I'm sorry. So I hope you say what you need to say by then," he had a stern note to edge of his voice.

_Five minutes_. If any of the Cullens' wanted to kill me, they would have more than ample opportunity in that time. I nodded stiffly. "Okay, I'll see you soon," I said, giving him a quick hug. I tried not to make it sound like goodbye. I was still trying to decide whether or not I hoped it was.

Before Charlie could respond, I had opened the door, let myself out, and then quickly slammed it again, as if the vampires on the lawn would hurl themselves through the crack in the car door if I left it open for another instant. As soon I watched Charlie execute an agonizingly slow 3 point turn and drive off, I turned around to face the music.

Alice was walking toward me.


	17. Goodbyes, Again

Goodbyes, again

I closed my eyes, bracing for a vampire attack. I was, unfortunately, all too familiar with what one felt like. _James_. And of course, I was also all too familiar with the horrible anticipation of one. _Laurent. Victoria_.

But instead of the searing pain that I was expecting, I felt nothing but soft coolness. When I looked upward at the sky and opened my eyes, I found that it had blackened, clouded over- it was going to pour any minute. A refreshing breeze had come in with the clouds, alleviating the hot August heat. But that didn't entirely explain the newfound chill I felt. When I looked back down, to my surprise I found that Alice was …. hugging me, her head against my chest, her arms curling softly around my waist.

_Hugging me_?

I was too shocked to reciprocate. I stepped back, unable to conceal my confusion. Huh? "Wha- ," I began. I didn't even have the voice to finish my word. My throat dissolved as I spoke and I felt like I might cry my non-tears again.

"Bella, it's okay," she said sweetly. "I know you; knew that you were going to blame yourself for all of this. But it's not your fault. You didn't-" she grimaced, "- kill Edward. You need to know that."

"Not my fault?" I said softly. Just then, a loud thunderclap provided an ominous soundtrack to my words. I realized I would probably have to repeat myself. "Not my fault?" I said again, louder, more forcefully. But shouting had brought forth too much emotion. I appreciated Alice trying to make me feel better, assuage my guilt- but it wasn't going to happen. I may not have lit the fire that was thrown on Edward- but I might as well have. I broke down into hysterical sobs. Sans tears. That was okay; the sky had just opened up, and raindrops the size of quarters were now furiously spattering down at us, more than compensating for the lack of moisture coming from my eyes. "But I….I…. _did_ _kill_ HIM, _ALICE_." My voice rose with each word, overtaking the still-rumbling thunder. This storm provided a great excuse to scream like a lunatic. "IF I HADN'T STAYED IN THE WAY, EDWARD WOULD NEVER HAVE BEEN TAKEN OFF-GUARD, AND HE WOULD HAVE WON! HE WOULD STILL BE ALIVE- ER, I MEAN, UM, UNDEAD! DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND?" Suddenly, I realized it didn't matter that I was having difficulty crying. Expressing my emotions through my anger was way easier anyway.

Alice looked at me, rain-soaked hair and clothes, with a mixture of emotions. But the one that stood out the most was one of knowing, maturity. She looked calm, wise. Completely the opposite of how I felt. "Bella," she said, loud enough to be heard over the raging storm but still managing to sound perfectly composed. "Bella, you're forgetting something. Edward wasn't taken off-guard. He can read minds, remember? Jacob's included."

"WHAT?" I bellowed, not necessarily from shock, if for no other reason than because shouting felt good. I had no idea what else to say, no idea what to conclude from what _she_ said. I just wanted to scream in anger. But I was too confused even to do that; I wasn't sure if I should be angry at what she told me.

Alice put her hand gently on my shoulder. She sighed. The fierce winds were starting to abate slightly; she didn't have to speak at such a loud volume. "Look, Bella. I see the visions; Edward was the mindreader," she bristled slightly at her use of past tense, but then quickly pulled herself together. "So I'm just…..sort of guessing, here, since I didn't specifically see it," she said flatly. "But Edward had the clear edge; he was ready to go in for the kill. And you risked your own life to protect Jacob. Think of how that might feel to Edward. He wants to be with you, only you, for the rest of eternity. And you wager all of that to save someone else."

I felt awful, completely ashamed and embarrassed. I was a deplorable person. I lowered my head. Alice said my name in a way that snapped it right back up.

"Bella," she said insistently. When I looked at her, however, she softened. "Bella, it's not your fault. You love Jacob. You can't control who you love."

"I loved Edward, too," I sniffled, then put my head back down. "I um, know that you don't believe me, but….,"

I couldn't bring myself to say any more.

"Shhh, I know, I know you loved him," she consoled me, rubbing her hand gently on my shoulder and the back of my neck. "I…..I did, too. My closest brother." She paused, trying to prevent herself from getting too emotional. "It's _him_ I'm mad at, anyway," she said, an edge of bitterness to her tone. "For giving up."

"Huh?" I asked. I hadn't thought that far ahead. As soon as I started to, my mind was reeling. _No_. It couldn't be. I couldn't even fathom it. Unluckily for me, Alice started filling in my unfinished thoughts.

"He had plenty of time to kill Jacob, Bella, or at least move out of the way. But he chose not to, chose to die rather than being with someone who couldn't fully return his feelings…..but Bella, that's HIS fault, not yours. It was so selfish of him- and I'm so mad at him for it! I hate him right now!" Alice's in-control façade started to melt away. It was still raining, and drops were rolling over her cheeks. If I didn't know better, I would have thought that they were tears.

I found my voice. And, astoundingly enough, it was pretty calm. Not long ago, I would have felt just as she did. But after being as close to Edward as I had been for the past couple of years, I had learned a few things. "Don't hate him," I pleaded. "Please, Alice. He's sacrificed so much for me, done anything for what he thought I wanted." I paused a moment as I thought back a bit. To another dark time. "When he…..left me before," I felt my voice drop as the scarring memories of the past and the horrific thoughts of the present intermingled in my brain, "I was convinced that I wasn't good enough for him, that he left because he didn't want to have anything to do with me anymore. He convinced me of that, really without even having to try very hard. I bought right into it." I thoughtfully stared at my shoes and chewed on my lip. "And later, he fesses up and tells me that he left because he wanted to give me a chance at the best possible life- even if it was a life without him. He was willing to sacrifice being with me, what I thought of him even, if it meant I could be happy with someone else." I had a little half-smile on my face by the time I was done. Not because I wasn't still devastated that he was gone, but because thinking of the self-sacrifices Edward made for those he cared about filled me with love and pride. It was impossible to squelch. Why not try to remember that every time the bad stuff popped into my head? Maybe I would never truly know what Edward's intentions were in the moments when he stopped fighting, but I would like to think that I did.

When I looked at Alice, I saw that she had the same half-smile on her face that I did. "Yeah, I suppose that it would be a lot more fun to remember the good times and think of the good things about him," she said wistfully. But her expression quickly changed. Eyes searing with pain, she added, "It will take a little while for me to get there, though."

I nodded, looking to the puddles on the wet ground. The rain had slowed to a light drizzle; I didn't see splashing raindrops anymore. I could definitely understand. I thought of the first months that had elapsed when Edward had left me. Nothing distinguished one from the next. I couldn't remember a single detail about them- I just remembered how awful I felt, and at the same time how numb.

Alice's voice pulled me out of my own head. "Bella?" When I looked back up at her, I noticed that Carlisle, Esme, Jasper, and Rosalie were at her side. I cringed reflexively, terrified that they weren't going to be as understanding as Alice was. But when I took a minute to examine their faces, they all had the same tranquility and resignation. They had obviously discussed beforehand with Alice what she was going to say to me.

Alice continued. "Bella, I've told you what we wanted to say. We are finishing up around here, getting ready to leave town," she gestured behind her, where I saw that the crowd of vampires had dispersed. The rain had finally stopped, too, though the clouds were as dark as ever. "The Wolfpack specified that we could have this gathering this morning but mentioned that they wished that we would leave immediately afterward. I don't want to infringe on that agreement." She hesitated a moment. "I'm sorry that we won't get to see each other again. But surely you understand. It's time to say our goodbyes."

There was not much more to say. I took turns hugging them and whispering a few parting words, first Rosalie, then Jasper. My goodbyes to them were not torture. Unsurprisingly, I felt disconnected- Edward was our link, and it was forever broken. I never spent that much time with them in Edward's absence. But then it got a whole lot harder. Esme. She felt like a second mom to me- _was_, for a short time. _Too short_. Finally, the tears started welling up as she let me go. It must have been my body's reaction to the rain of a few minutes ago, or something.

Then it was Carlisle. I didn't really have anything new to say to him, either- but somehow it was still a lot harder to get the words out.

"Thank you for everything," I whispered. "I'm so, so, sorry." A bit generic, maybe, but the words were never more heartfelt.

"We'll be fine. You take care of yourself, Bella," he replied. Because of his tolerance to humans, we had the privilege of hugging for a much longer time. I didn't want to ever let him go.

Finally it was Alice. She gave me soft cool hug, just like before. I squeezed her tight for a few moments, tears freely flowing now. "I love you," I whispered to her. "I'm so sorry for everything."

"Don't worry about us, Bella. We have each other. Just promise me that you'll be happy."

_Be happy_. The words instantly triggered the memory of Jacob and I in his truck, just before we were about to kiss. Edward's aural hallucination telling me what to do. And now his sister was saying the same thing. I pushed the thought of Jacob out of my mind and focused solely on embracing Alice. She was about to walk out of my life, forever. "I will. I promise," I told her. That was it- the Cullen chapter in my life was now closing. I wondered if it would ever be reopened.

The timing could not have been more impeccable. As I was turning to walk away, knowing that I would fall apart if I stayed a moment longer, I heard the sound of Charlie's car approaching. I knew that the Cullens' had no need to talk to him- they wanted him there for me. I was grateful that they did. I was too mentally exhausted to drive home.

As I strode down the driveway toward Charlie's car, I was looking directly ahead at the horizon. Just then, a single beam of light poked its way through all of the dark clouds, landing directly on my forehead. I smiled. It would take time, and it would be hard, but I would get through this. This time, I allowed myself a few moments to freely think of Jacob. My personal sun.


	18. Friends, Again

Friends, Again

As I got into the car, I explained to Charlie, in the most tactful way possible of course, the partial truth in that Alice had basically invited him along to provide my transportation, and that the 'services' for Emmett and Edward were essentially over. He took it well- through he grumbled about putting on a suit and having to drive, he could see from the puffiness of my eyes and general splotchiness that I had been involved in a pretty emotional conversation. Based on what he hypothesized the subject matter was, Edward somehow combined with major girl issues, he decided it would be best not to press me, and let us drive the remainder of the way back to Forks in silence.

While we were driving, I let my mind wander. I had been so apprehensive, so anxious, about arriving today, but in hindsight I knew that it was so important for me to show up to the Cullens' and say goodbye. It was hard, really hard, but still easier than I maybe I expected- I guess because I knew it had to be coming. I couldn't toe the line between Edward and Jacob forever. As indecisive as I was, and as much as I loved them both, I always knew that eventually I would have to choose, say goodbye to one of them, and the family ties that bound them. What I sure as hell didn't expect was to have to choose this way; but then, in a way it was better that the decision be made for me- because I don't know how long it would have taken for me to make it myself. My indecision was already at least partially responsible for the loss of Emmett. I shook my head in shame. Thankfully Charlie didn't question my sanity.

And yet, at the moment I wasn't entirely sure that I even wanted to choose Jacob. Most of the time when I thought of Jacob I pictured his brilliant smile, sensed his warmth, just like after seeing that ray of sunshine. Unfortunately, in my mind the cheerful Jacob that I knew and loved was quickly being overtaken by a much darker one. The last time I had been in Jacob's presence I had witnessed a side of him that I had never seen before. Violent. Cruel. Deliberately throwing fire on Edward to destroy him. I realized that Edward had been the one to propose the duel; that Jacob was technically playing by the rules. And that Edward eventually went on a suicide mission. But Jacob didn't know that. And whether or not he officially did anything wrong, seeing him like that still bothered me.

I didn't exactly have time to dwell on what I was going to do about it though, what I was going to say to him. When Charlie and I pulled up, Jake was sitting on our front porch. He looked awful. It gave me a small measure of satisfaction.

We got out of the car and began walking towards him. As Charlie approached Jacob, rather than them exchanging the usual playful punches or guy banter, Jacob solemnly offered his hand.

"Thank you so much, Chief Swan, for taking care of Bella today," he said sincerely. "I wanted to be there for her, but I figured she needed time, and I'm happy she got to spend it with you."

I was still tripping over the Chief Swan part. _Chief Swan_? Has Jacob ever called Charlie that?

"Uh, sure, Jacob," Charlie replied, clearly befuddled. With that, he practically ran inside.

If Jacob's motivation was to get us alone as fast as possible, his tactic worked.

I plopped down on the porch steps, waiting for him to speak. At the moment I didn't have anything to say.

I didn't have to wait long.

"I'm so, so, sorry Bella," Jacob breathed, sitting next to me, trying to take my hand in his. I jerked it away.

"I'm too upset with you right now," I whispered.

"I know. I'm just so sorry," he said again.

"Apologizing isn't going to cut it," I said, upset molding itself into anger. "How in the hell could you act that way? I feel like I don't know you at all."

Jacob took a few deep breaths, centering himself, it seemed. He spoke quietly. "Honey, I've loved you pretty much as long as I've known you. I remember when we saw each other as kids; I always thought you were so pretty. And sweet. And smart. When I saw you after you moved back, at La Push beach, I couldn't believe how beautiful you'd become. After we started hanging out, it didn't take me long. I might not have imprinted, but that doesn't mean that I didn't know that you were the one for me."

I blushed, especially at his last statement- he just sounded so sure about everything. "Uh, that's sweet, Jacob. But it doesn't exactly answer my question."

"Thanks. But I wasn't exactly finished," he retorted teasingly. His voice lowered again. "Anyway, I know I've told you most of this stuff before, but for as long as I've felt this way about you, Edward," I am guessing he used Edward's full name out of respect for the dead- otherwise I couldn't believe that he didn't use the word _bloodsucker_, "was around to take that away from me. Even the first day we hung out on the beach, I was so excited to be talking to you, and once we got on the subject of the Cullens', that was all you asked about. I had to see how much he devastated you when he left you," -I couldn't help it, I cringed, the realization hitting that he's left me twice now-, "and I tried to help you put the pieces back together as best as I could. In the meantime I was going through the most awful period of my life, the most horrific personal changes, because of his family. And as soon as he was back into your life, you completely forgave him at my expense- and you shouldn't have, after all he did to you." Jacob sighed. "And then after I put everything on the line, kissed you, told you how I felt and that I wanted to be with you, Edward was still the one that got to watch you walk down the aisle and marry you. And he wasn't even honest with you! I had to see you upset again, crying in my arms, because of him, because he lied to you and deceived you. Can you try to understand how that made me feel?"

I nodded, sick with guilt. He had a point. Edward and I managed to fuck up Jacob's life pretty badly. Jacob sighed audibly, then continued.

"I just- I feel like I've lost you so many times. And there is no way that Edward loved you more than I do. Not a chance. And I just- couldn't lose you again, you know? _Especially_ not to him. Especially not when _he_ challenged _me_. So I fought, fought hard. Fought for you. Fought for _us_." Jacob looked at me intensely. "Hopefully I haven't completely lost?"

I looked back into his hopeful eyes. Things were hard right now, but I had never stopped loving him. And without Edward, there was never going to be anyone else. "No," I replied, "You haven't completely lost."

Jacob half-smiled, giving me a sexy grin. "Though I guess I haven't completely won, either?"

If Jacob was trying to gauge my sexual interest- I had just come from a funeral; it was nonexistent. "No," I said diplomatically. Half of my wanted to scream at him; the other half smile. "You haven't completely won."

Jacob responded by lifting a single finger and touching it to my head, tracing it softly and _very_ slowly down the back of my neck, the curve of my spine, the small of my back. Though his movements were on my posterior, they still reminded me very strongly of….something else. Apparently, this was precisely the message he wanted me to get. "So….you're not interested in….," he paused, looking for the right words. After a second, he had a wicked grin on his face, "uh, _splitting a pizza_, anytime soon?"

He was obviously referring to us messing around, our last sexual encounter, feebly trying to disguise it by describing what we did _first_. His word choice was quite frankly was hilarious, and part of me wanted to laugh. But this was _so_ not the time. I cut him off at the gate.

"No, not anytime soon," I said bluntly, gesturing to my somber-looking black dress.

He nodded thoughtfully, understanding to a degree, but still clearly curious. "So, it wasn't…um, the pizza itself, since- well, you seemed to enjoy it at the time," he hedged.

I couldn't believe that we were having this conversation. Boys (and wolves, apparently) had a one-track mind. I rolled my eyes. "Of course, it wasn't the pizza itself," I stated plainly. "It's more like….I have horrible indigestion from something else and don't want to eat anything right now." It was the best analogy I could think of.

Jacob looked visibly relieved. He grabbed my hand. This time, I let him. "So….we're friends, for now, right?" He asked hopefully.

I nodded. "Friends, for now."


	19. Splitting a Pizza & Lemon Meringue Pie

Epilogue- Splitting a Pizza (and a Fluffy Lemon Meringue Pie)

After the funeral, my life quickly fell into somewhat of a routine. I was obviously going nowhere this year; I no longer wanted to attend Dartmouth, and it was too late for me to get in anywhere else for the fall semester. I rationalized that it was as favorable of an outcome as I could hope for- I was able to pick up some hours at Newton's. So I was working a lot, and since I was still living with Charlie, I was able to save some money. This was perfect, I justified, for not only figuring out which college I wanted to attend and what major I would choose, but also in scraping together some tuition fees and researching some feasible financial aid options.

As horrible as it was to experience the Cullens' leaving the first time around, thank God I had already been through it. I already knew what it was like to have Edward and his family gone. I was prepared for the loneliness I would face, for the emptiness I would feel, for the incompleteness of each day. I would never have survived otherwise- but I knew what to expect. And not only did I handle it better because I had gone through it before, but I no longer held in my heart any hope that things would be different. I didn't pray that Edward would come back. Though the image of Edward dead on the ground haunted my worst nightmares, simultaneously it managed to provide me with a tremendous sense of closure.

I was also incredibly grateful that I had Jacob as my friend, for now. When Edward had left me before, it took all too long for me to seek out that human connection- and inevitably by the time that I did, I had already internalized so much pain. With Jacob at my side every step of the way, I had an ear to listen to me when I needed to vent about the most random possible things. I had a (strong) shoulder to cry on, even if I was crying about Edward- Jacob understood.

He understood a lot of things. He understood why I was not immediately up for 'splitting a pizza' as he had affectionately termed it. We were back to our routine as well, a very similar one to when we first started hanging out. After work, I would drive to his place, where we would spend all evening in his garage while he worked on his projects, talking. I would usually make us dinner; sometimes at Billy's, sometimes at Charlie's, and we would subsequently chow down. But at the end of the night, there was always goodbye. _Friends for now_. All the sexual stuff had stalled; we were back to the occasional hug and hand-holding. But a couple of weeks after the funeral, on Charlie's porch after the start of one of our platonic goodbyes, Jacob clasped his strong hands on my shoulders, looking at me seriously.

"Honey, I want you to know something. I have a confession to make." He paused; I couldn't tell if it was unintentional or for effect. "I….um… can't wait to 'split a pizza' with you," he began, a little nervously. However, he quickly gained more confidence as he went along. "I just….._want_ you, _all_ the time, so _so_ bad, more than almost anything." He bit his lip as his dark eyes quickly but deliberately raked over my body. "I spend more time thinking about it than you would probably like- I think I might be failing English," he joked halfheartedly. But he was quickly serious again. "But this is the only time I'm going to say anything. I'm not going to pressure you. Because what I want _more_ than anything is for you to be as excited about it as I am. I love you, and I want you to be happy. And to be comfortable. So I am content to wait until you want me as much as I want you- even if that's a long time. If that means we're friends for the next two years and nothing happens, than I guess I'm just going to have to learn to live on cold showers," he chuckled uncomfortably.

He rubbed his hands together as if he were a businessman hatching a grand scheme. "So here's what I think we should do. We don't have to discuss this ever again, have an awkward conversation about it. And since I don't want to pressure you, I'm not going to make a move. But if you get to the point where you feel like you're ready, and want to somehow let me know without ever bringing it up, than how about you just order a pizza that night for dinner? I'll get the message."

"Hmmm…." I mused thoughtfully. "I'm not so sure I like that deal. So that means I have to abstain from eating pizza for that long?" As soon as _abstain_ was out of my mouth, I realized that I had picked a poor choice of words.

Jacob chuckled again. "Honey, that's nothing compared to what you're putting me through," he said in his sexy, husky voice. With that, he kissed my cheek and said a quick goodbye, after which he was running away.

* * *

It was several weeks later. The more time I spent with Jacob, the more I remembered what drew me towards him- his sunny demeanor, his sharp wit, his loyalty to me and our friendship. It didn't take me very long to reaffirm that I was still in love with him. And of course, my attraction to him was growing by the second- as if I didn't find him sort of beautiful already. At first, I felt stabs of guilt in even thinking about wanting him sexually- Edward's image would pop into my head, reminding me that I had been married to someone else just a few months earlier, and that that someone else had since died. But every time that happened, I always remembered what he and Alice told me: "_Be happy_." Surely they wanted me to live my life- that was the whole point, wasn't it? Their sacrifices were not going to be in vain. Eventually the guilty visions and voices diminished. And the memories of the steamy few sexual encounters that I had with Jacob only magnified.

One Tuesday evening, Charlie was working late at the station. I had decided that tonight I was going to give it a shot. I told Jacob to come over after he put in a few hours at the garage and that I would have dinner ready for him at 7. Though I had briefly entertained the idea of ordering a pizza from the local dive, I quickly dismissed it- hell, I was a cook; I could do it myself. I had already baked the crusts, and the pizza sauce was simmering on the stove. I had also prepared a decadent lemon meringue pie, which was currently cooling on an oven rack. Now all I had to do was finish spicing the sauce, assemble the pizzas with the plethora of toppings I had chopped and grated on the kitchen counter, and bake. Voila.

I was sprinkling some oregano and red pepper flakes to the bubbling pot when I heard a knock at the side of the door. I had left it open to get a breeze going. "Bella?" Jacob's husky voice called.

_Shit_! I quickly glanced at my watch. 6:34- Jake was almost a half an hour early. I had planned to go upstairs while the pizzas were baking and take a few minutes to spruce myself up- I definitely had something sexier picked out to wear besides jeans and an old T-shirt, and was hoping to brush my teeth to at least partially counteract the garlic from the pizza sauce that I had sampled several times. And the pizza wasn't even ready! I frantically responded, trying to keep him at bay, "Uh, yeah, hold on a sec!"

But I could already hear footsteps and the sound of Jacob's voice getting louder as he strode closer to the kitchen. "I thought I'd come early in case you needed help making dinner….it smells delic-" He stopped short when he reached the kitchen and saw me hard at work at the stove, stirring the pot. His jaw dropped slightly when he glanced around at the various items on the counter- crusts, grated mozzarella, pepperoni, chopped green peppers, sautéed mushrooms. There was absolutely no question what we were having for dinner tonight.

"Uh, I need a few more minutes to cook, I'll have it ready soon," I told him quickly without making eye contact, my cheeks crimson. I don't think the word _embarrassed_ quite covered it. I had absolutely no time to mentally prepare for this. I turned back to the stove, hoping Jacob would take the hint and retreat to the living room so that I could psych myself out of my nervousness. I began stirring again.

I didn't hear Jacob approach, just felt both of his strong arms encircle my waist as he came up behind me, pulling my body flush against his. My lips weren't readily accessible so he focused immediately on the spot on my neck that drove me wild, sucking and kissing. I quite literally screamed. His hands were frenzied, gently squeezing my breasts outside of my bra, then moving them down my waist and grabbing my hips forcefully, grinding himself against me. _Rinse and repeat_. I groaned, dropping the wooden spoon in the simmering saucepan, twisting my head around to look up at him. The passion in his returning stare was enough to dispel any feeling of anxiety. _I just wanted him_. And right now I could very clearly see just how badly he wanted me.

Jacob kissed me on the lips, his hot breath immediately diverting attention from my own- I didn't even care if he could taste garlic anymore. His tongue explored my mouth intensely as his hands continued to run all over my body. Our necks were craned in an uncomfortable kissing position at the moment, so the kiss didn't last, but as soon as our lips parted, he squeezed me and whispered in my ear, "Bella, I love you. I _want_ you. _So. Fucking. Much_."

Still positioned behind me, kissing my neck again, Jake's long arm had easy access to the inside of my jeans. He gently slipped his hand along the inside of my cotton underwear, and his pointer finger started _very_ tenderly massaging my clit, causing me to moan out loud. His other arm was positioned across my chest, holding my body tightly to his, his fingers softly pinching one of my nipples. I immediately tensed at the overwhelming pleasure, and his hands adjusted in response. He kept it up, continuing to stimulate me with his finger, with his amazing hands, until I was sure that I was going to explode. Yet before I could, he would back off, slowing the pace, teasing me, before starting again. When I felt like I couldn't take it anymore, he stopped and turned me around until we were facing each other. "Oh, no, you're not done yet, Bella," he whispered in my ear.

Jacob kissed me so passionately on the lips that I couldn't even see straight. His hands enveloped me, taking me in, and he pulled me so close to his scorching body that I immediately started perspiring. Feeling the sweat accumulating on my neck, Jacob stripped me down to my underwear in a matter of seconds, pulling my jeans off with one solid yank, whipping my T-shirt over my head, and unclasping my bra in the back with one hand (how did he do that? I wondered. He didn't have _that_ much experience. It was just those damn fine hands, I guess). Once I was down to my underwear, though, he took his sweet old time. He kissed me again, this time lifting me up and wrapping my legs around his hips. He gently carried me the few inches from the stove and set me down so that my butt was resting on the adjacent counter- on a pile of mushrooms, no less.

He gently laid me down on the counter. Though I was worried that I would hit my head, thankfully when I set it down it was cushioned by some fluffy grated mozzarella. In a much more compromising position now, Jake went to work with his sexy mouth, exploring my almost naked body with his searing tongue and lips. When he got to the string of my underwear and started pulling them off with his teeth, I gasped. But that was just the beginning. He went down on me for what felt like an eternity. It felt so good I thought I might pass out. But he held back, just a little- teasing me, making me want more. I almost giggled to myself, wondering for a second if he would stop and take a break, have a snack of some neighboring cheese or pepperoni that was in his immediate vicinity. But Jacob was focused- he didn't eat anything else.

When he finally stopped, I had never wanted anything so badly in my life than to have him inside of me. Sitting back up, I gazed at him; I'm sure with a lustful look in my eyes. Thankfully, he was already almost naked- a quick tug of his mesh shorts and he was standing nude in front of me. Despite my impatience, I had to take a few seconds to stare.

He wasn't sort of beautiful. How could I have ever even said that? He was gorgeous, stunningly beautiful. Six-foot-six inches of tanned muscle. Striking silky black hair. Beautiful deep-set brown-black eyes. Full pink lips and dazzling white teeth. And as I looked down, all I could say about his erection was that it was very….welcoming. I couldn't wait.

We had sex for hours. Sometimes it was crazy- him spanking my ass with the wooden sauce spoon comes to mind. Sometimes it was sweet- Jacob gently moving inside me, softly kissing my neck, whispering in my ear, telling me that he loved me. But it was always hot- us sweating together, our bodies as close as they could get. By the time it had ended, and Jacob had satisfied me several times over, we were both pretty exhausted.

An hour later, we still lay naked, spooning on the kitchen floor, too content to move. Jacob had a stack of pepperoni in his hands and was feeding us both individual slices. "You know what, honey?" he asked. "I think that pizza has to be my new favorite thing ever. Let's split one every week." He kissed my neck, and then looked me up and down. As his eyes traveled downward, a puzzled look appeared on his face, and after a second he flicked his finger across my butt- and a sautéed mushroom went flying. "Only next time, let's actually eat it," he grinned. So did I. And then he kissed me again.

We never got around to the pie, either.

* * *

A/N: This chapter is about as lemony as it will ever get for me (hence the title)- I would much rather imagine sex than see it explicitly written down, so I tend to write that way, too. But I figured I ought to lob those of you a lemon (or as close as I could get to one) who stuck with the M rating throughout the whole thing, anticipating it. Hope it was worth it...


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